What do you do after giving up on yourself?

Discuss how hair loss has affected you, someone you know, or a public figure.
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thethirdman
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What do you do after giving up on yourself?

#21065

Post by thethirdman » 9 months ago

Hi all. I think that I have given up on trying to get a girlfriend or wife. I am now wondering what will happen to me or what I do next. I initially thought that when I do this, I would write a will and be out of here within a few months. But do things have to be so extreme? Please share what you did when you gave up.

Rant and background below. It is a bit of a muddled mess but i have to post it.

I was NW6 at age 25. I have been trying to get a girlfriend for 3 years now. I really wanted, more than anything, to have a family, be a father etc. I tried lots of things. I used deceptive photos (to make me look like a have a hair line) and went on around 60 first dates from apps. I tried approaching on the street and had no success. I even hired somebody to help me with the street approaching but, of course, it didn't work. For the record, the persons I hired said that there was nothing wrong with my 'technique' and that I could go and continue on my own without further teaching. I tried asking out a few ladies who I saw day to day but it didn't work. Now I am old and the online dating services don't work as well for me as they used to.

This past year, I started some new activities, including a new sport, that I really enjoy, made some new friends and achieved a lot of good things. I have a high flying career with more money than I need right now. It also seems like I'm in the top 5-10 percent of earners in the country. On top of that, I really do enjoy my career. Guys tell me that I am in excellent shape. Of course, I do the bare minimum that every guy has to do. That is, physical training, grooming, skin care, teeth care (not including hair care..). I got to travel a little bit and can travel more if I want to. I got to attend my favourite sporting events. They're all the ingredients of a great life but I still feel empty and down because I can't get a girlfriend. Now I have given up. The fact is that after all this time I am unenthusiastic about trying to go on dates or meet women. I used to find it exciting but now I don't associate it with any pleasant feelings. So, giving up wasn't necessarily a choice. It has just resulted from a lack of motivation due to a lack of belief than any good outcome can come from trying to meet more women. I've met so many amazing, charming, intelligent, hardworking women and it has always gone badly. It's just so sad that I had to be bald. I feel like I am letting everybody around me down by carrying these negative feelings around with me. I know that the women who I sometimes deceive through online photo fakery are being let down too. However, I am starting to think that my photos maybe don't really feel anybody and it's clear that I'm bald... What makes me really annoyed is how I was deceived by the nonsense online which says that being in shape, having an interesting and fulfilling life, being successful etc. help at all. They have only hurt me because my results each year have been worse than the year before, subjectively speaking.

I am trying to focus on my activities and interests, my fitness and my career. All of them are quite exciting and I'm even hoping to start new stuff, such as writing or learning a language or selling a product. But, all of it seems useless. Why be successful and passionate and have money if you can't have a family? Moreover, where do guys like us end up when they get older? Do we just live out our years and die? It seems like having a family is the natural next step and that, now that I won't do it, every year will just be lower than the last.

I wanted a hair transplant but all of the reputable surgeons say that I'm not a good candidate because my donor density is not good enough given the extent of my hair loss. The only ones who will take me are some of the places at Turkey who will do body hair or beard hair transplantation in addition. But they are saying that I will get 2000-3000 grafts. I have no idea how it will look or whether it will be a botch job (not because of the surgeon but because of my hopeless hair situation). So I am scared there too. I could have gotten a system while transferring job. I went to the hair system store and tried it on. I thought that i looked strange with the system so I said no. Plus, the person at the store said that I suited the buzzed head. Now I seem to be stuck without a system because I can't realistically just show up one day with a system out of nowhere.

So I am completely screwed with no purpose. I really feel like I have so much potential. People describe me as hardworking and brave. But maybe the effects of hair loss will be too much for me to overcome.

Johnson
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What do you do after giving up on yourself?

#21069

Post by Johnson » 9 months ago

Because you earn good money and can afford it; I would recommend speaking to a therapist (preferably a male) and talking through some of your issues.

One thing that worked for me years ago when I had relatively bad hair loss anxiety is seeing other bald men on the streets with normal lives. I found it comforting that these bald men, who looked seemingly average, often had families and girlfriends and lived healthy lives. I found it reassuring that they had these functional lives and it helped me to stop my personal catastrophizing.

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Admin
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What do you do after giving up on yourself?

#21071

Post by Admin » 9 months ago

I just replied to your e-mail, I had completely forgotten about it, sorry.

So to summarize, keep it simple:

Follow @Johnson's advice and find a good psychologist. Put it all out there and you'll eventually get insights about how your mind operates which will begin to heal you.

Go for the hair transplant using hair and beard grafts with Dr. Cinik and then get temporary SMP either in Belgium at the prohairclinic or in Italy at Milena Lardi's Beauty Medical. Your hair color and skin type are ideal for it. You'll have to keep your hair quite short but it will beat the slick NW6 by far.

Start practicing (guided) meditation, there are plenty of good teachers out there, I personally follow Brother Dominick's teachings but you could look into Sam Harris or Eckhart Tolle.

And God forgive me for putting it that way, but even if you're not religious at all, get involved in a Catholic or an Orthodox church. Believe it or not, you'll find (good) women looking to get married there.

And finally: never give up hope, you only need one woman you find cute after all. If you persist while doing the above, I believe it will happen for you.
:christian-cross: Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

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yettee
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What do you do after giving up on yourself?

#21072

Post by yettee » 9 months ago

Lots of great advice above. Especially about lots of bald guys everywhere living normal lives (just look!) and also therapy. I was in therapy when I was younger and it was enormously beneficial.

One more thing I'd like to add...
thethirdman wrote: 9 months ago Now I am old and
Unless you are 90, you're not old. You have plenty of time and there are bazillions of potential ways to meet women in the future. Of course you should not give up. After all, everyone is in the same situation you're in (dating different people) until they finally find someone. I dated for 20 years before I got married.

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Char
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What do you do after giving up on yourself?

#21075

Post by Char » 9 months ago

I deleted my post because I thought it was stupid.

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Guest-4
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What do you do after giving up on yourself?

#21079

Post by Guest-4 » 8 months ago

Char wrote: 9 months ago I deleted my post because I thought it was stupid.
I liked it personally, I feel your pain.

thethirdman
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What do you do after giving up on yourself?

#21082

Post by thethirdman » 8 months ago

Thank you for your response, @Admin. Through all of this hair loss stuff, you are one of the few who has been honest and whose words have rung true. I feel really betrayed by all of the pickup or seduction or romance material that I consumed over all of these years. I even paid for some of this nonsense because the authors seemed reputable. None of it worked well and, more and more, it seems like the stuff that you said is correct.

I can already get therapy if I need it. Last time, I had a consultation with a therapist because I had a bit of an outburst. Since I haven't had an outburst or any huge depression symptoms, therapy is not essential at this stage but I can request it and get it, based on the consultation. However, what I got from the consultation is that the therapist can't help with this stuff. All that the therapist can do is help me to see myself in a more positive light. In our language, we might say that the therapist can help me to cope. But it really seems like I'm coping just fine. I'm going to follow the advice and ask for the therapy. I feel like I don't have anxiety. I thought that I had social anxiety but this year I made some friends through spontaneous conversation. It's not consistent with a person having social anxiety. Hair loss anxiety? I can buzz my head and be fine with it. I can talk to people normally and do the approaches that were taught to me. The problem is that the results have been exclusively bad. It's not anxiety but rather a feeling that my life has been thrown away through no choice of mine and that nothing that I do will change it.

I do not see bald guys doing well in life day to day. Not at all. The old bald guys that I see are hat prisoners. They, however, got married say 20 years ago when things were a bit different and a bald guy might have had a chance. Now the world is so connected and there is so much information that bald guys just don't seem to have a chance. The few younger bald guys that I see seem to be bald losers just like myself.

I am too old at the moment or very close to it. A woman can only be so old before it is difficult to have children. A man can only be so many years older than a woman he asks on a date. The ideal start to a family is a boyfriend and girlfriend who have been together for at least a significant amount of time. So yes if I want to have children - especially if my hypothetical wife and I would decide on multiple children - then time is running out. That might be why guys that I went to school with are getting engaged or married in droves and have been doing so for the past 2 years or so. I have also seen that, despite the nonsense that seduction websites say, it gets much harder for a man to go on dates and find a great woman as he gets older. That's because with the younger women he is battling against a larger and larger age gap and with the women his age he is having to battle the fact that her standards for looks and everything will likely be much higher and that she probably wouldn't accept a NW6 guy. This is all just my opinion but I have found that the younger ladies seem to be more forgiving of my hair loss than the older women. Of course, it could all be nonsense because there are just a few years between these so called older and younger ladies.

I have been practicing meditation on my own for years. Well yes it reduces anxiety and gives a feeling of calm. But you can not go to a starving person, tell them to meditate, and cause them to feel fullness. In the same way, my life is lacking in something and meditation won't change that. With meditation, I just become a calmer, less anxious person who still feels down because his life is still lacking. That is what i found but I admit that I did not try much the guided meditations. It always seemed like I was starting the day on a high with a great meditation but that the day itself was just as unsatisfactory and miserable as it always would be.

For the transplant, I want to go with hair and body hair but not beard hair. The beard hair is very sharp and I do not want any chance of a scar on the beard. The 'fubar' scenario for a hair transplant would involve going with the standard shaved head with beard. What if I get terrible shock loss to take away the small number of hairs being maintained by minoxidil? What if the scar on my head is too bad to permit buzzing the head? What if the hair line is bad and doesn't match my natural hair line (NW2) which is still faintly visible at the moment? What if the 2000-3000 grafts which I have been quoted don't keep? These are all the questions that I consider and the trouble with going to one of these mega clinics in Turkey is that the questions will not be answered until the day of the procedure. That's why I am on the fence. The whole time, I wanted to pay more so that i could have peace of mind going into the hair transplant. But nobody outside of Turkey seems to be able to take me.

Thanks for your advice. I have added the stuff to my list. Guided meditation, therapy and religion.

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rclark
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What do you do after giving up on yourself?

#21087

Post by rclark » 8 months ago

yettee wrote: 9 months ago Unless you are 90, you're not old. You have plenty of time and there are bazillions of potential ways to meet women in the future. Of course you should not give up. After all, everyone is in the same situation you're in (dating different people) until they finally find someone. I dated for 20 years before I got married.
What about fifty?

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yettee
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#21088

Post by yettee » 8 months ago

rclark wrote: 8 months agoWhat about fifty?
50 is the new 20.

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What do you do after giving up on yourself?

#21089

Post by Guest-4 » 8 months ago

yettee wrote: 8 months ago 50 is the new 20.
50 is the new 55 given declining health and life expectancy.

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yettee
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#21090

Post by yettee » 8 months ago

Afro_Vacancy wrote: 8 months ago 50 is the new 55 given declining health and life expectancy.
That depends on where you live.

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rclark
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What do you do after giving up on yourself?

#21091

Post by rclark » 8 months ago

Afro_Vacancy wrote: 8 months ago 50 is the new 55 given declining health and life expectancy.
Fifty is the cutoff for the Nielson Ratings (U.S. TV shows only care about 18 - 49 year olds).

In other words, a person is irrelevant. They don't even care what TV shows
a fifty year old or older person watches.

Here's some information from Wikipedia, on Nielson Ratings:

Demographics[edit]


In general, the number of viewers within the 18–49 age range is more important than the total number of viewers.[14][15] According to Advertising Age, during the 2007–08 season, ABC was able to charge $419,000 per commercial sold during its medical drama Grey's Anatomy, compared to only $248,000 for a commercial during CBS' CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, despite CSI having almost five million more viewers on average.[16] Because of its strength in young "demos" (demographic groups), NBC was able to charge almost three times as much for a commercial during Friends as CBS charged for Murder, She Wrote, even though the two series had a similar amount of total viewership during the two seasons they were on the air concurrently.[14] Glee (on Fox) and The Office (on NBC) drew fewer total viewers than NCIS (on CBS) during the 2009–10 season, but earned an average of $272,694 and $213,617 respectively, compared to $150,708 for NCIS.[17]

Here's an example of age demographics:

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/cab ... 15387.html

bald2020
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What do you do after giving up on yourself?

#22594

Post by bald2020 » 7 months ago

thethirdman wrote: 9 months ago Hi all. I think that I have given up on trying to get a girlfriend or wife. I am now wondering what will happen to me or what I do next. I initially thought that when I do this, I would write a will and be out of here within a few months. But do things have to be so extreme? Please share what you did when you gave up.

Rant and background below. It is a bit of a muddled mess but i have to post it.

I was NW6 at age 25. I have been trying to get a girlfriend for 3 years now. I really wanted, more than anything, to have a family, be a father etc. I tried lots of things. I used deceptive photos (to make me look like a have a hair line) and went on around 60 first dates from apps. I tried approaching on the street and had no success. I even hired somebody to help me with the street approaching but, of course, it didn't work. For the record, the persons I hired said that there was nothing wrong with my 'technique' and that I could go and continue on my own without further teaching. I tried asking out a few ladies who I saw day to day but it didn't work. Now I am old and the online dating services don't work as well for me as they used to.

This past year, I started some new activities, including a new sport, that I really enjoy, made some new friends and achieved a lot of good things. I have a high flying career with more money than I need right now. It also seems like I'm in the top 5-10 percent of earners in the country. On top of that, I really do enjoy my career. Guys tell me that I am in excellent shape. Of course, I do the bare minimum that every guy has to do. That is, physical training, grooming, skin care, teeth care (not including hair care..). I got to travel a little bit and can travel more if I want to. I got to attend my favourite sporting events. They're all the ingredients of a great life but I still feel empty and down because I can't get a girlfriend. Now I have given up. The fact is that after all this time I am unenthusiastic about trying to go on dates or meet women. I used to find it exciting but now I don't associate it with any pleasant feelings. So, giving up wasn't necessarily a choice. It has just resulted from a lack of motivation due to a lack of belief than any good outcome can come from trying to meet more women. I've met so many amazing, charming, intelligent, hardworking women and it has always gone badly. It's just so sad that I had to be bald. I feel like I am letting everybody around me down by carrying these negative feelings around with me. I know that the women who I sometimes deceive through online photo fakery are being let down too. However, I am starting to think that my photos maybe don't really feel anybody and it's clear that I'm bald... What makes me really annoyed is how I was deceived by the nonsense online which says that being in shape, having an interesting and fulfilling life, being successful etc. help at all. They have only hurt me because my results each year have been worse than the year before, subjectively speaking.

I am trying to focus on my activities and interests, my fitness and my career. All of them are quite exciting and I'm even hoping to start new stuff, such as writing or learning a language or selling a product. But, all of it seems useless. Why be successful and passionate and have money if you can't have a family? Moreover, where do guys like us end up when they get older? Do we just live out our years and die? It seems like having a family is the natural next step and that, now that I won't do it, every year will just be lower than the last.

I wanted a hair transplant but all of the reputable surgeons say that I'm not a good candidate because my donor density is not good enough given the extent of my hair loss. The only ones who will take me are some of the places at Turkey who will do body hair or beard hair transplantation in addition. But they are saying that I will get 2000-3000 grafts. I have no idea how it will look or whether it will be a botch job (not because of the surgeon but because of my hopeless hair situation). So I am scared there too. I could have gotten a system while transferring job. I went to the hair system store and tried it on. I thought that i looked strange with the system so I said no. Plus, the person at the store said that I suited the buzzed head. Now I seem to be stuck without a system because I can't realistically just show up one day with a system out of nowhere.

So I am completely screwed with no purpose. I really feel like I have so much potential. People describe me as hardworking and brave. But maybe the effects of hair loss will be too much for me to overcome.
I'll be honest with you? You have nothing to lose.. Pray to Christ.. Accept him and repent and cry out your guilt. shame. depression... anger.. Everything.... Tell him your problems ask him for help. He will help.. He saved me from depression and hopelessness... Become born again..

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