Hairblues wrote: ↑
2 months ago
So your post was to school @EvilLocks on being considerate? To @Afro_Vacancy ?
And You think she owes Afro an apology for that post?
The post was to school someone (or, give advice) on being considerate when they are intending to be, and failing badly. You are creating a hyprocisy in the way that I have been inconsiderate towards afro in particular, the vital difference being that I wasn't at all intending to be considerate.
I said an apology wasn't even completely necessary, and to clarify I didn't even mean it's somewhat necessary, just optional. I personally don't think she had to, and I'd say she agrees, as she only did it after my observation. Her main concern was she typed out a story that wasn't appreciated.
What I wrote:
"I mean since my observation you've at least acknowledged the faux pas more strongly and apologised, which is not even completely necessary, just an acknowledgement instead of "it was just my funny story ok I found it funny"."
But I don't think she had to apologise because she didn't intend to hurt anyone, and in this case likely didn't really hurt afro, I just pointed out the social ineptitude of thinking "this is gonna cheer him up!". Then after not even realising how it looked from his perspective.
And I wrote about it while not necessarily caring about evil, but seeing this same self-involved lack of empathy or perspective in a decent amount of people, which is a bit frustrating but all in all, sad, I feel for them. Everyone around them thinks the same thing, like when they go out of their way to tell of their "tragedy", people feel a sense of cringe and embarrassment for them, and of course it does not make them any more likeable.
I did write that it's especially worthwhile to have this realisation in real life more than anything, but in all honesty she's probably worse in real life, in writing that post she had a lot of time to think "maybe he won't actually appreciate this?" but ploughed on with the funny story, and didn't even realise it on reflection (again, since I pointed it out). In real life people can blurt out even more insensitively tone deaf things without a second thought, and I could be wrong about evil on this, but we'll never know because of her brief brattish reaction to me (another prejudgment, I bet this happens frequently, without awareness).
My initial post didn't savagely attack her, or say she's intending to hurt anyone (apparently I'm the one who puts words in her mouth, ok) it was simply to say to be aware of this and recognize it, but instead people would rather just reassure her that it was a funny story, don't worry about it, keep doing it no big deal, friends probably love you for your quirky stories at such moments - this doesn't represent a bad character trait at all because no harm was done, so embrace it.
Similar case in point - you tell a guy he's showing manic traits, you have spotted signs of delusion for a long time, and it's only getting worse, and one way or another will result in a terrible crash in mood eventually - that you can't keep riding this wave forever, reality will always catch up and you can't trick it. The nurturing virtue signallers will berate how insensitive that is, "trying to put down a guy with a positive attitude as deluded, shame".
And all it takes is a non-violent mugging from some kids for him to spiral in to what seems to be complete breakdown, and my concern of that situation was real at the time, but I don't think it should equate to weeks of torment, not in a person grounded in reality at least.
But what's more important? Well if you have tunnel vision - just let the guy live it up and be happy, stop being such a downer, he does better than most guys on Bumble (with a standard of girl not revealed or remotely touched on) and his wave of positivity has no end in sight.
And fine, to @EvilLocks
, you do you boo, I'm sure you eventually still would even if you did take a second to actually reflect, and I mean reflect more on yourself instead of giving pointlessly insincere apologies.