What should you do when a girl flakes? Bad experience on Tinder

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What should you do when a girl flakes? Bad experience on Tinder

Post by Afro_Vacancy » 1 year ago

An interaction I had with a girl on Tinder went acutely poorly, but I learned a valuable life lesson.

I showed our Tinder conversation to my therapist, and she told me "why are you even agreeing to go out with her? You'll have more fun if you go out to dinner alone." Ironically she was right, and that's what happened.

Things that bothered me:
- She asked me questions, but didn't care to answer mine;
- When I asked her if there were any days that she was available this week, she said "yes", rather than specifying which days like a normal person would have;
- I gave her my phone number, but she kept messaging me on the app;
- She let me know that she was not going to make it 15 minutes before the date, and only after I got in touch with her;
- Her profile kind of bothered me. She had one low-quality image, and no profile text. There's basically nothing about her at all, she doesn't answer questions, and I'm being put on trial;

At the end, when she said "can we postpone", she almost certainly meant "never", but she's too meek and unassertive to say so.

A year ago I would have begged her for a raincheck, but honestly I'm fed up.
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Re: What should you do when a girl flakes? Bad experience on Tinder

Post by JasonStatham » 1 year ago

Afro_Vacancy wrote:
1 year ago
Acutely poorly, but I learned a valuable life lesson.

I showed our Tinder conversation to my therapist, and she told me "why are you even agreeing to go out with her? You'll have more fun if you go out to dinner alone." Ironically she was right, and that's what happened.

Things that bothered me:
- She asked me questions, but didn't care to answer mine;
- When I asked her if there were any days that she was available this week, she said "yes", rather than specifying which days like a normal person would have;
- I gave her my phone number, but she kept messaging me on the app;
- She let me know that she was not going to make it 15 minutes before the date, and only after I got in touch with her;
- Her profile kind of bothered me. She had one low-quality image, and no profile text. There's basically nothing about her at all, she doesn't answer questions, and I'm being put on trial;

At the end, when she said "can we postpone", she almost certainly meant "never", but she's too meek and unassertive to say so.

A year ago I would have begged her for a raincheck, but honestly I'm fed up.
First of all: You cant call out a woman when she flakes on you. You simply can't. They don't care and so should you. Women are 50 times more in demand so why should she care? On my Tinder time, I always had a "backup" plan which was I packed my GYM bag and if a woman flaked, which was about 30-40 percent, I just went to the GYM lol. My friend that is a Chad, told me a lot if I have time for a drink if the girl he is supposed to meet will flake. We went out a lot lol. Even a 9/10 Chad gets flaked. He used to call out women for flaking but nothing ever good came out. Nothing. So in my case. Sometimes if you ghost them, they realize a bit after soulsearching (very few women) that it wasn't right and they write to you for a "second chance". I got one time a woman I ghosted (1 of maybe 20 flakes) that wrote me: "hey sorry drinks on me this Friday I'm sorry okay?". It even led to sex. If I had called her out: "yo women why you so rude blah blah" she just would get angry and called her friend how rude men are on Tinder.
She asked me questions, but didn't care to answer mine
Welcome to Tinder xD
When I asked her if there were any days that she was available this week, she said "yes", rather than specifying which days like
She is a women not a man. You cant expect the same as with your best buddy. They are like little children when it comes to make a date.
I had that Problem a lot and did this (I stole it from the Chad friend): Write her very early on after you got her whatsapp 2 different days for a meetup. She can choose one.
I gave her my phone number, but she kept messaging me on the app
Wasnt open to meet you in the first place. Its easy to ditch a guy that just knows your Tinder profile. With a number flakes will be reduced (because you can call her --> shame).
Her profile kind of bothered me. She had one low-quality image, and no profile text
Then why did you even talk to her?

Tinder is for Chads or people that have the "I dont care" abundance mentality. Otherwise, you will analyze every Tinder slut that flaked on you. Not good.

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Re: What should you do when a girl flakes? Bad experience on Tinder

Post by Admin » 1 year ago

Afro_Vacancy wrote:
1 year ago
Acutely poorly, but I learned a valuable life lesson.

I showed our Tinder conversation to my therapist, and she told me "why are you even agreeing to go out with her? You'll have more fun if you go out to dinner alone." Ironically she was right, and that's what happened.

Things that bothered me:
- She asked me questions, but didn't care to answer mine;
- When I asked her if there were any days that she was available this week, she said "yes", rather than specifying which days like a normal person would have;
- I gave her my phone number, but she kept messaging me on the app;
- She let me know that she was not going to make it 15 minutes before the date, and only after I got in touch with her;
- Her profile kind of bothered me. She had one low-quality image, and no profile text. There's basically nothing about her at all, she doesn't answer questions, and I'm being put on trial;

At the end, when she said "can we postpone", she almost certainly meant "never", but she's too meek and unassertive to say so.

A year ago I would have begged her for a raincheck, but honestly I'm fed up.
Her lack of enthusiasm was painful to read. She's a narcssisit, just wrapping people around her little finger with absolutely no concern for them, she probably did the same with a lot of men, meeting the chadest guy she could get that night. And she thinks that just telling you (lying to you) that she doesn't feel well and cannot come is going to cut it, especially at such short notice.

I don't blame you for keepinp up hope, I'd have done the same when I was still quite inexperienced and women weren't exactly lining up to ride my cock. But my 26 year (or current self) would never tolerate such behavior. Your therapist was right, you'd have a better time alone that with that narcissistic bitch. I'd tell you to apply firmer standards but as I've said, it's difficult if you don't have a lot of options at a particular moment.

When you start getting a lot of options, you start to understand why that girl would behave like that, but I'd still try hard to remain a gentleman at the time and to offer a decent apology if I couldn't meet a woman because I had already met my quota of dates for like the next two weeks. Decency and empathy don't take that much effort and it should be the default in those situations.

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Re: What should you do when a girl flakes? Bad experience on Tinder

Post by Hairblues » 1 year ago

Afro_Vacancy wrote:
1 year ago
Acutely poorly, but I learned a valuable life lesson.

I showed our Tinder conversation to my therapist, and she told me "why are you even agreeing to go out with her? You'll have more fun if you go out to dinner alone." Ironically she was right, and that's what happened.

Things that bothered me:
- She asked me questions, but didn't care to answer mine;
- When I asked her if there were any days that she was available this week, she said "yes", rather than specifying which days like a normal person would have;
- I gave her my phone number, but she kept messaging me on the app;
- She let me know that she was not going to make it 15 minutes before the date, and only after I got in touch with her;
- Her profile kind of bothered me. She had one low-quality image, and no profile text. There's basically nothing about her at all, she doesn't answer questions, and I'm being put on trial;

At the end, when she said "can we postpone", she almost certainly meant "never", but she's too meek and unassertive to say so.

A year ago I would have begged her for a raincheck, but honestly I'm fed up.
Wow what an ass

I’ve never stood anyone up. I’ve canceled a few days before for coffee kind of dates.

I also never make dates if im not that into them.

I’ve had conversation (few lines) where it does feel they are pulling my teeth, I’m so unresponsive but I’m self aware to understand (oh I’m not into him so I’m not participating ) and I either tell them not interested, unmatch, or let conversation trail off (sometimes all 3 depends on temperament of the guy)

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Re: What should you do when a girl flakes? Bad experience on Tinder

Post by JasonStatham » 1 year ago

Admin wrote:
1 year ago
Her lack of enthusiasm was painful to read
You guys are overanalyzing. Women on Tinder can be very, very different in real life. I met very cold bitches on Tinder that were a blast on the Date. Some women simply cant text. Never let anything be too personal a women writes on Tinder. She could have her period, ex-boyfriend texted her, her mother has a new boyfriend, cellphone bill was too high, Stacy in the office is a bitch etc etc.

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Re: What should you do when a girl flakes? Bad experience on Tinder

Post by Afro_Vacancy » 1 year ago

Hairblues wrote:
1 year ago
Wow what an ass

I’ve never stood anyone up. I’ve canceled a few days before for coffee kind of dates.

I also never make dates if im not that into them.

I’ve had conversation (few lines) where it does feel they are pulling my teeth, I’m so unresponsive but I’m self aware to understand (oh I’m not into him so I’m not participating ) and I either tell them not interested, unmatch, or let conversation trail off (sometimes all 3 depends on temperament of the guy)
I'd be surprised if anybody had ever mistakenly thought of you as meek.

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Re: What should you do when a girl flakes? Bad experience on Tinder

Post by Afro_Vacancy » 1 year ago

JasonStatham wrote:
1 year ago
You guys are overanalyzing. Women on Tinder can be very, very different in real life. I met very cold bitches on Tinder that were a blast on the Date. Some women simply cant text. Never let anything be too personal a women writes on Tinder. She could have her period, ex-boyfriend texted her, her mother has a new boyfriend, cellphone bill was too high, Stacy in the office is a bitch etc etc.
Sure, yeah, anything could have happened. Anything is possible indeed. We can't be 100% sure, I agree. But most likely, she wasn't sick, she just wasn't interested. But maybe she was. She's not sure. Or maybe she wasn't. Or maybe she was. As you can tell, I'm mimicking what was likely going on in her brain -- and no thank you.

She had a simple option -- she can suggest an alternative date. You're saying that all women are too sheepish to do this, but that's not true. Not all women are like this. They don't just stand there and wait for a man to fill in every detail.

With respect to your gym back and beer alternatives plan -- life is not that simple and easy. I had already gone to the gym before the date. I did invite two friends to join me, but they were tired from jet lag. All in all it was a wasted evening. Had I known that she would cancel, I would have worked longer, and then gone to the gym later.

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Re: What should you do when a girl flakes? Bad experience on Tinder

Post by Admin » 1 year ago

Afro_Vacancy wrote:
1 year ago
Sure, yeah, anything could have happened. Anything is possible indeed. We can't be 100% sure, I agree. But most likely, she wasn't sick, she just wasn't interested. But maybe she was. She's not sure. Or maybe she wasn't. Or maybe she was. As you can tell, I'm mimicking what was likely going on in her brain -- and no thank you.

She had a simple option -- she can suggest an alternative date. You're saying that all women are too sheepish to do this, but that's not true. Not all women are like this. They don't just stand there and wait for a man to fill in every detail.

With respect to your gym back and beer alternatives plan -- life is not that simple and easy. I had already gone to the gym before the date. I did invite two friends to join me, but they were tired from jet lag. All in all it was a wasted evening. Had I known that she would cancel, I would have worked longer, and then gone to the gym later.
You're right, women like that are actually quite rare, let's just say difficult people are rare.

I can't think of many girls I've met who were narcissistic or self-centered, and I believe it was because my method allowed me to screen out the girls who'd just waste my time.

You've seen my conversation plan before: Hey how are you? What are you looking for? What do you do for a living? Would you like to meet?

If she's enthusiastic with that, you're good, she's seen you, she finds you attractive, she liked your bio (and the fact that you're 6'3 doesn't hurt :p). That's why I almost always had a good time, or at least an OK time.

The worst date I had was actually not from online dating but a date with a girl that a friend set me up with. She got up, told me I was arrogant and just left :p.

Now as I said, I fell into this trap many times, I'd make the mistake of deviating from my usual plan or to start arguing with the girl because she'd tell me that I was too impatient and that she needed time. Some of them would even confidently say that there was no way any girl would agree to meet so quickly and if they would, it's because they were sluts.

The kind of thing that'd set me off and I'd then lose a lot of energy on pointless arguments while I could have engaged in much more productive activities. @JasonStatham is right, the best approach is to just let it go and move on to another girl or another activity. Nothing good will come out of it. No I've never managed to fuck a girl after I called her out, when you think about it, it's infinitely stupid to react like that.

And like Jason, sometimes I managed to save the lay with the girl by letting it go. And just saying what I thought. Like for example this girl told me that she really liked me but the fact that I went silent for a week meant that I didn't like her, and that if I wanted to be with her, I was supposed to be her best friend (lol). I let it slide and told her I understood.

A week later, she's like "I want to see you again." "I'm not crazy!" Self-control and patience definitely paid off. A few days later, I was cumming inside her at a hotel, with no condom. I then spent the next weeks getting anxious as fuck imagining myself being forced to raise a kid with her.

I learned a lot of lessons in a short period of time back then, thank God I met my girlfriend a few weeks later and she managed to save me from myself.

So learn to let go Afro, lots of good things will come to you with a little self-control in the right moments.

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Re: What should you do when a girl flakes? Bad experience on Tinder

Post by Hairblues » 1 year ago

Afro_Vacancy wrote:
1 year ago
I'd be surprised if anybody had ever mistakenly thought of you as meek.
I do actually have a meek side (I know shocking lol)
But I’m very flirtatious so it I like someone the banter just flows.

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Re: What should you do when a girl flakes? Bad experience on Tinder

Post by JasonStatham » 1 year ago

A week later, she's like "I want to see you again." "I'm not crazy!" Self-control and patience definitely paid off. A few days later, I was cumming inside her at a hotel, with no condom. I then spent the next weeks getting anxious as fuck imagining myself being forced to raise a kid with her.
10/10 story xD Love it

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Re: What should you do when a girl flakes? Bad experience on Tinder

Post by Hairblues » 1 year ago

Afro_Vacancy wrote:
1 year ago
Sure, yeah, anything could have happened. Anything is possible indeed. We can't be 100% sure, I agree. But most likely, she wasn't sick, she just wasn't interested. But maybe she was. She's not sure. Or maybe she wasn't. Or maybe she was. As you can tell, I'm mimicking what was likely going on in her brain -- and no thank you.

She had a simple option -- she can suggest an alternative date. You're saying that all women are too sheepish to do this, but that's not true. Not all women are like this. They don't just stand there and wait for a man to fill in every detail.

With respect to your gym back and beer alternatives plan -- life is not that simple and easy. I had already gone to the gym before the date. I did invite two friends to join me, but they were tired from jet lag. All in all it was a wasted evening. Had I known that she would cancel, I would have worked longer, and then gone to the gym later.
I think next time you just not feeling someone don’t make the date..your instincts were telling you something and you didn’t listen (I think that may be what happened ) try and let your instincts develop because you’re dating more now so you may have more natural intuitiveness than in the past.

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Re: What should you do when a girl flakes? Bad experience on Tinder

Post by JasonStatham » 1 year ago

Afro_Vacancy wrote:
1 year ago
Sure, yeah, anything could have happened. Anything is possible indeed. We can't be 100% sure, I agree. But most likely, she wasn't sick, she just wasn't interested. But maybe she was. She's not sure. Or maybe she wasn't. Or maybe she was. As you can tell, I'm mimicking what was likely going on in her brain -- and no thank you.

She had a simple option -- she can suggest an alternative date. You're saying that all women are too sheepish to do this, but that's not true. Not all women are like this. They don't just stand there and wait for a man to fill in every detail.

With respect to your gym back and beer alternatives plan -- life is not that simple and easy. I had already gone to the gym before the date. I did invite two friends to join me, but they were tired from jet lag. All in all it was a wasted evening. Had I known that she would cancel, I would have worked longer, and then gone to the gym later.
Maybe this video helps you a bit (it helped me)

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Re: What should you do when a girl flakes? Bad experience on Tinder

Post by pjhair » 1 year ago

JasonStatham wrote:
1 year ago
First of all: You cant call out a woman when she flakes on you. You simply can't. They don't care and so should you.
I don't agree with this. If a women wastes my time and flakes, I will call her out and tell her she is a bitch for doing that. That will give me peace of mind. People should be held accountable and criticized for acting that way.

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Re: What should you do when a girl flakes? Bad experience on Tinder

Post by pjhair » 1 year ago

Afro_Vacancy wrote:
1 year ago
She had a simple option -- she can suggest an alternative date. You're saying that all women are too sheepish to do this, but that's not true. Not all women are like this. They don't just stand there and wait for a man to fill in every detail.
You are 100% correct. When a women is genuinely interested, they even make the first move. In fact my ex-wife texted me and asked me to go eat with her after we exchanged our phone number. It's not uncommon at all for a women to make the first move if she is genuinely interested.

There is simply no excuse for standing someone up. This bitch didn't even bother telling you that she wasn't going to show up until you texted her. The problem is not that she didn't show up. The real problem is that she didn't even bother to notify you. This is highly repulsive behavior and you were right to call her out on that.

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Re: What should you do when a girl flakes? Bad experience on Tinder

Post by kj6723 » 1 year ago

pjhair wrote:
1 year ago
There is simply no excuse for standing someone up. This bitch didn't even bother telling you that she wasn't going to show up until you texted her. The problem is not that she didn't show up. The real problem is that she didn't even bother to notify you. This is highly repulsive behavior and you were right to call her out on that.
This is how I feel. It blows my mind that people like this are functioning members of society. All she had to do was text him something like "hey I'm not going to make it out tonight" within a reasonable time frame, and we literally have no problem on our hands. Wouldn't of even had to follow up after that if she wasn't interested, and it would have been fine. Instead she wasted his time because she's been allowed to believe that her company is more valuable than his and as a result she has zero common fucking courtesy. Given my experience with people like this I've encountered in my own life, she probably does this to plenty of other people, and enough of them let her get away with it that she is unlikely to change her ways.

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