Female tries Tinder as average male

Since hair loss and dating are closely intertwined: discuss how to improve your chances with women.
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Arjen
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Female tries Tinder as average male

#24047

Post by Arjen » 1 month ago

Johnson wrote:
1 month ago
I'm sure we've all had some mixture, right? Sometimes they're not so hot and sometimes they are.
We have talked about it before though. Its just my opinion, so dont take it as gospel, but I felt you aiming for these stunning women (exclusively) may leaving you single for the long run. I remember your response about not being able to change who you are attracted to and there is no retort to that. It is what it is for you. You'll never find a 5 sexy so nothing can be done.
Mixture, maybe, but within what range?
You now all of a sudden describe all the women I showed you as stunning, i.e. 8 or even 8.5 and above? Didn't sound like that back then.
They were all, however, more attractive than the women you showed me and you managed to date. And that's my point, yet again: doesn't have to be the stunning-level for there to be a distinct difference in attraction, SMV and hence also difficulty to get with women, no matter how much one tries to convince myself, nah, no anything in between ugly and stunning is more or less the same or, alternatively, just coincidence and tough luck it's always the lower end or maybe middleground of average (if you take that super broadly), and, ah, well, I'm actually content with that. Riiiight.🤪

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Female tries Tinder as average male

#24057

Post by Johnson » 1 month ago

You can dance around words as much as you like but we all know the women I've dated were not ugly in any way. I've dated mostly 6s in my life, but obviously 7s and 5s are there as well.

Even afro has seen the women I've dated and can affirm that they arent 3s or 4s.

I think this whole thing is a bit childish trying to make out I only date ugly women. Its also bizarre and I dont understand your motive.

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It would be interesting for other people to put their opinion in on what they anecdotally see.

Are the real couples you know mismatched in looks?

Are women dating 1 or 2 points on the lookscale up?

Or do you find the opposite? And most women are more attractive then their boyfriend/husband

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#24058

Post by Rudiger » 1 month ago

Johnson wrote:
1 month ago
You can dance around words as much as you like but we all know the women I've dated were not ugly in any way. I've dated mostly 6s in my life, but obviously 7s and 5s are there as well.

Even afro has seen the women I've dated and can affirm that they arent 3s or 4s.

I think this whole thing is a bit childish trying to make out I only date ugly women. Its also bizarre and I dont understand your motive.
I'll make this simple: if you are sure that you've probably never seen a woman dating up- you are definitely overvaluing women's looks, and therefore dating ugly women.
Look, fat...

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#24060

Post by Johnson » 1 month ago

Who said never?

I'm saying that I see a ton of men dating up in looks (but down in wealth and success)

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#24061

Post by Rudiger » 1 month ago

Johnson wrote:
1 month ago
Who said never?

I'm saying that I see a ton of men dating up in looks (but down in wealth and success)
You said that. Do you want me to find the post?
Look, fat...

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#24065

Post by Johnson » 1 month ago

Really simple question for you: are most of the couples you know mismatched then? are the men all dating uglier women then them?

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#24081

Post by Arjen » 1 month ago

Johnson wrote:
1 month ago
You can dance around words as much as you like but we all know the women I've dated were not ugly in any way. I've dated mostly 6s in my life, but obviously 7s and 5s are there as well.

Even afro has seen the women I've dated and can affirm that they arent 3s or 4s.

I think this whole thing is a bit childish trying to make out I only date ugly women. Its also bizarre and I dont understand your motive.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It would be interesting for other people to put their opinion in on what they anecdotally see.

Are the real couples you know mismatched in looks?

Are women dating 1 or 2 points on the lookscale up?

Or do you find the opposite? And most women are more attractive then their boyfriend/husband
You must be doing this on purpose, hopefully for you?
I repeatedly say there is a lower and very high end of „average“ in between ugly and stunning/supermodel, and that it‘s a big difference where within that range the man and the woman are. And what you, who excelled at languages, do with this is: arjen says I only date ugly women, I‘ll give him 3 downvotes.

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#24084

Post by Johnson » 1 month ago

If you read my reply you will see the acknowledgment of the scale of average floating between 5 and 7 and me saying on average most people i've slept with are 6s.

Do I need to word it differently for you to understand?

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#24085

Post by Arjen » 1 month ago

Johnson wrote:
1 month ago
If you read my reply you will see the acknowledgment of the scale of average floating between 5 and 7 and me saying on average most people i've slept with are 6s.

Do I need to word it differently for you to understand?
And how does that make me call the league of women you showed me ugly? I, depending on the day, can see myself as a 4, i.e. a full point below your 5-7 range, but wouldn‘t call myself or „your“ women ugly. They are just a long way from being on the attractive end of a group outside of ugly and stunning.
Just because you apparently rate anyone below a 5 ugly doesn‘t mean the same applies to me.
That logic (which is yours, not mine) further explains though that you compress most people within 2 points, so that the difference between a 3-4 to me and a „5“ for you as opppsed to an actual 7 feels less big and therefore better. If that makes your dating life more fulfilling, then good for you👌🏻.

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#24087

Post by Johnson » 1 month ago

I think if you told any of your friends that their lovers are 3s and 4s they would be insulted. Beyond that, its just off base, so it stands to reason I respond this way.

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#24089

Post by Arjen » 1 month ago

Johnson wrote:
1 month ago
I think if you told any of your friends that their lovers are 3s and 4s they would be insulted. Beyond that, its just off base, so it stands to reason I respond this way.
Not saying it‘s a pleasant reality, which is probably why people cope and almost everybody „thinks“ they are a 7 or around that. If it helps...

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#24090

Post by Johnson » 1 month ago

to be frank I do think people over rate themselves in terms of looks.

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#24091

Post by Admin » 1 month ago

Arjen wrote:
1 month ago
Not saying it‘s a pleasant reality, which is probably why people cope and almost everybody „thinks“ they are a 7 or around that. If it helps...
Does it matter? Does an objective appraisal of looks even exist? What would it be? Seeing someone for the very first time either in picture or in person? What's more real then, your appraisal of a person's appearance when you know nothing about them or the impression you get after getting to know them?

Because, to give you some food for cope (:p), isn't finding people more and more attractive (whether a partner, a friend, an acquaintance, etc.) as we get to know them something we've all experienced? As your mutual love grows and inevitably skews your perception.

It's inevitable, and that's a cope that I've seen being used many times among the blue-pilled crowd. They're not wrong. Beauty and love go beyond physical proportions, lust and pride (of having a beautiful partner for example).

Once you've found your long-term (or ideally lifetime) partner, all those rating concerns about attraction and in-depth analysis of the dating market fall away, at least it was the case for me, you couldn't give a damn about it even if you wanted to. Attraction has a strong mysterious component. I've seen too many people (including myself and my wife) end up with a partner that didn't match with nearly all the characteristics they had written to their wish list to Santa.

I used to confront people on this, whether in real life or on the forums. They really don't like this being pointed out to them, you can see their minds go blank as the cognitive dissonance occurs and they try to reconcile their mental map with their new territory. In vain, love has little to do with rationality and our experience of the world is not primarily rational.

There are some pursuits in life that will require the use of in-depth study, scientific methodology, rationalizations etc. Finding the love certainly isn't one of them, at least in my humble opinion. Intuition, faith (even if you're not religious) and love should be the primary guides in that area of your life.
:christian-cross:

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#24094

Post by Arjen » 1 month ago

Admin wrote:
1 month ago
Does it matter? Does an objective appraisal of looks even exist? What would it be? Seeing someone for the very first time either in picture or in person? What's more real then, your appraisal of a person's appearance when you know nothing about them or the impression you get after getting to know them?

Because, to give you some food for cope (:p), isn't finding people more and more attractive (whether a partner, a friend, an acquaintance, etc.) as we get to know them something we've all experienced? As your mutual love grows and inevitably skews your perception.

It's inevitable, and that's a cope that I've seen being used many times among the blue-pilled crowd. They're not wrong. Beauty and love go beyond physical proportions, lust and pride (of having a beautiful partner for example).

Once you've found your long-term (or ideally lifetime) partner, all those rating concerns about attraction and in-depth analysis of the dating market fall away, at least it was the case for me, you couldn't give a damn about it even if you wanted to. Attraction has a strong mysterious component. I've seen too many people (including myself and my wife) end up with a partner that didn't match with nearly all the characteristics they had written to their wish list to Santa.

I used to confront people on this, whether in real life or on the forums. They really don't like this being pointed out to them, you can see their minds go blank as the cognitive dissonance occurs and they try to reconcile their mental map with their new territory. In vain, love has little to do with rationality and our experience of the world is not primarily rational.

There are some pursuits in life that will require the use of in-depth study, scientific methodology, rationalizations etc. Finding the love certainly isn't one of them, at least in my humble opinion. Intuition, faith (even if you're not religious) and love should be the primary guides in that area of your life.
I'm am genuinely intrigued by your view on all this, as despite not being on any boards at that time, I take it yours was similar to mine - and even if not, I have a feeling you get my line of thinking, even if you don't agree.
While I am aware that I may be projecting with regards to some stuff, I have - you won't be surprised, I suppose - often secretly wondered whether you were coping, and that is without ever having seen your wife.
Let me ask you like this: thinking yourself back into my shoes, would you have believed another guy writing what you wrote without assuming that at least sometimes it must feel like settling. And I am not talking about a reasonable compromise any relationship requires sooner or later, I'm talking about elements missing and catching up with you.
If we are talking about a list, mine isn't that particular in that the female would need to be brunette, 1.65, big-boobed etc., though I love all that, but a central item on it would be an appealing apperance, which in my case (I've repeatedly admitted this) will exclusively apply to women everybody, even if not their "type", will find somewhat attractive/above average. If that item had to be converted from appealing to "somewhat appealing", I'd always feel like I'm settling and that something important is missing.
Where I am not sure if it's cope or if I'm projecting is the following:
To me, an "objectively" (as in NOBODY ever finds the women I like average or below) appealing is a must: not because I want to show off, it's just something I've noticed and I've probably shown hundreds of women to rudiger alone. We woudn't always agree in their rating, they are not all "objective" stunners at all, but not a single one has been a "meh, that's a 4.703981" - which is actually something I'd be thrilled about, as I am fully aware this thing for objectively pretty girls is what makes my quest for a partner so challenging.
So I'm wondering if this lack of significant distinction between objectively appealing women and those many men, if blunt, would say, nah sorry (which johnson still seems to be mistaking for a dig at him) is genuine in that it's really barely a difference to them visually or if that's coping yourself into an at least somewhat busy dating/love life.

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Female tries Tinder as average male

#24101

Post by Admin » 1 month ago

Personally, I don't feel like I settled for my wife, and vice-versa. We both have the feeling that we lucked out, which I believe is what will automatically happen when you find love. Phew, I can finally say that kind of thing without cringing :p.

Now, to ground this discussion back in reality, you know what I'm going to ask you: you have a goal, a threshold, you want a long-term relationship with a certain kind of woman. Have you designed and followed a plan that will get you what you want? Are you climbing up the ladder? :)

If you limit yourself to dating apps, you're going to have to grind, no way around it. But that's what I'm interested in regarding your situation, are you putting that grind in? I never thought I'd sound this blue-pilled but if you want a cheat code, you need to find spaces where you can interact with women that share a common purpose with you. But that purpose has to be a little bit higher than 'sharing afterwork drinks to unwind'.

A niche. It's crazy how using marketing terms to talk about dating has become the norm. Anyway, I cannot end this post without some Jesus-smuggling, the highest shared purpose that you will find is in Church. Trust me, the kind of girl you're looking for is there. And please don't ask me for pics to rate to prove it to you Thomas :p. You could just go and pretend, and get much more than you had ever hoped for :angel:.

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