Admin wrote: ↑
1 month ago
Does it matter? Does an objective appraisal of looks even exist? What would it be? Seeing someone for the very first time either in picture or in person? What's more real then, your appraisal of a person's appearance when you know nothing about them or the impression you get after getting to know them?
Because, to give you some food for cope (:p), isn't finding people more and more attractive (whether a partner, a friend, an acquaintance, etc.) as we get to know them something we've all experienced? As your mutual love grows and inevitably skews your perception.
It's inevitable, and that's a cope that I've seen being used many times among the blue-pilled crowd. They're not wrong. Beauty and love go beyond physical proportions, lust and pride (of having a beautiful partner for example).
Once you've found your long-term (or ideally lifetime) partner, all those rating concerns about attraction and in-depth analysis of the dating market fall away, at least it was the case for me, you couldn't give a damn about it even if you wanted to. Attraction has a strong mysterious component. I've seen too many people (including myself and my wife) end up with a partner that didn't match with nearly all the characteristics they had written to their wish list to Santa.
I used to confront people on this, whether in real life or on the forums. They really don't like this being pointed out to them, you can see their minds go blank as the cognitive dissonance occurs and they try to reconcile their mental map with their new territory. In vain, love has little to do with rationality and our experience of the world is not primarily rational.
There are some pursuits in life that will require the use of in-depth study, scientific methodology, rationalizations etc. Finding the love certainly isn't one of them, at least in my humble opinion. Intuition, faith (even if you're not religious) and love should be the primary guides in that area of your life.
I'm am genuinely intrigued by your view on all this, as despite not being on any boards at that time, I take it yours was similar to mine - and even if not, I have a feeling you get my line of thinking, even if you don't agree.
While I am aware that I may be projecting with regards to some stuff, I have - you won't be surprised, I suppose - often secretly wondered whether you were coping, and that is without ever having seen your wife.
Let me ask you like this: thinking yourself back into my shoes, would you have believed another guy writing what you wrote without assuming that at least sometimes it must feel like settling. And I am not talking about a reasonable compromise any relationship requires sooner or later, I'm talking about elements missing and catching up with you.
If we are talking about a list, mine isn't that particular in that the female would need to be brunette, 1.65, big-boobed etc., though I love all that, but a central item on it would be an appealing apperance, which in my case (I've repeatedly admitted this) will exclusively apply to women everybody, even if not their "type", will find somewhat attractive/above average. If that item had to be converted from appealing to "somewhat appealing", I'd always feel like I'm settling and that something important is missing.
Where I am not sure if it's cope or if I'm projecting is the following:
To me, an "objectively" (as in NOBODY ever finds the women I like average or below) appealing is a must: not because I want to show off, it's just something I've noticed and I've probably shown hundreds of women to rudiger alone. We woudn't always agree in their rating, they are not all "objective" stunners at all, but not a single one has been a "meh, that's a 4.703981" - which is actually something I'd be thrilled about, as I am fully aware this thing for objectively pretty girls is what makes my quest for a partner so challenging.
So I'm wondering if this lack of significant distinction between objectively appealing women and those many men, if blunt, would say, nah sorry (which johnson still seems to be mistaking for a dig at him) is genuine in that it's really barely a difference to them visually or if that's coping yourself into an at least somewhat busy dating/love life.