When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Since hair loss and dating are closely intertwined: discuss how to improve your chances with women.
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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by JLBB » 2 months ago

JasonStatham wrote:
2 months ago
This sounds like RSD Tyler telling his below average audience how to pick up girls.
The problem with your advice isn't particularly that it isn't "true". Women do like "douchebags" but its more because those guys just simply do not care what people, and more important, women think of them. So why not put off "the pussy from the pedestal" and you will get more or less the same outcome.

But the biggest problem to tell people: "just be a douchebag bruh", is that women will smell this fake personality mile away. I tried this old school PUA shit back in the days and it didn't really work. Why? Because women could smell my desperation behind those fake lines. Just after I got more comfortable with myself and had more and more experience with women, I slowly now transferred to the guy that people told me women want. And now it doesn't feel incongruent when I tell women to fuck off, because she for sure knows, that guy tells the truth. You can't fake body language.

The best advice, especially in our modern age is: don't think too much about one particular woman. Try to have an abundance mentality (even if you don't have one) and work to actually have an abundance of women.

If your only date in months is Natalie from the Pet store, of course, you will put her on a pedestal. Now some guy telling you: "Bruh if you want to have Natalie, treat her like a douchebag!". How can a guy do that if he knows, the next date with a woman will be in months or even years?

I have this one guy on Facebook I met on "pickup" meetups (so much cringe I know) and he follows this fake personality advise that doesn't fit him since years. And you know what? He is single for 6 years and so are the others that try to fake something.
in my opinion the fundamental problem with this is that there’s about a ten mile difference between acting like you don’t care what people think of you and being a bit of a douche when you have hair vs when you don’t. The bald douche just doesn’t work.

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by JasonStatham » 2 months ago

JeanLucBB wrote:
2 months ago
in my opinion the fundamental problem with this is that there’s about a ten mile difference between acting like you don’t care what people think of you and being a bit of a douche when you have hair vs when you don’t. The bald douche just doesn’t work.
Very simplistic put. I talked about in general. There is a life outside of hairloss dude. Arjen is one of the guys that isn't so obsessed with hair and he was the one asking the question.

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by EvilLocks » 2 months ago

JasonStatham wrote:
2 months ago
But the biggest problem to tell people: "just be a douchebag bruh", is that women will smell this fake personality mile away.
This is true. The difference between a real douche bag and a fake douche bag is huge.

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by JLBB » 2 months ago

JasonStatham wrote:
2 months ago
Very simplistic put. I talked about in general. There is a life outside of hairloss dude. Arjen is one of the guys that isn't so obsessed with hair and he was the one asking the question.
I don't think that's simplistic in the slightest, and I've seen multiple photos of him. If you're a slightly shorter than average bald man with a small figure it would come across as ridiculous, for others it absolutely doesn't, 99% of the time those people have hair. Also I know you're talking about in general but you're responding about an idea mentioned by Evil to Arjen on a thread by him so I don't get how you can act like hairloss isn't relevant.

You can say there's a life outside hairloss, but that doesn't mean a 5"10 bald guy in their 30s can magically pull off the personality of being the douchey bald pussy slayer that doesn't give a fuck and have it appear realistic or anything other than cringe. Not even just in that extreme sense, but if women don't have the raw attraction to a dude with a slick bald head (and none of them do) then you're much better suited to playing the role of the attentive nice guy/provider which is suited to the specific look.

You can't overcome conventional social perceptions and expectations based on looks by sheer willpower. That's my point. Looks matter to how others react to your personality.

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by Arjen » 2 months ago

JeanLucBB wrote:
2 months ago
I don't think that's simplistic in the slightest, and I've seen multiple photos of him. If you're a slightly shorter than average bald man with a small figure it would come across as ridiculous, for others it absolutely doesn't, 99% of the time those people have hair. Also I know you're talking about in general but you're responding about an idea mentioned by Evil to Arjen on a thread by him so I don't get how you can act like hairloss isn't relevant.

You can say there's a life outside hairloss, but that doesn't mean a 5"10 bald guy in their 30s can magically pull off the personality of being the douchey bald pussy slayer that doesn't give a fuck and have it appear realistic or anything other than cringe. Not even just in that extreme sense, but if women don't have the raw attraction to a dude with a slick bald head (and none of them do) then you're much better suited to playing the role of the attentive nice guy/provider which is suited to the specific look.

You can't overcome conventional social perceptions and expectations based on looks by sheer willpower. That's my point. Looks matter to how others react to your personality.
I‘ll be simplistic though: both douche and nice guy will work much better, if good looking. There are aspects that speak for either, if not decidedly good looking (for whatever reason), I‘d say, so trying to adapt any mentality sacrificing authenticity seems futile.
Also, it‘s so easy to come across like a douche if a woman wants you (meaning she likes your looks), even if you want to be nice/well-mannered despite not being interested, because once they want you, they‘ll often completely shake any pride and keep trying, ignoring all signs that you may just be nice but don‘t show initiative, yet they let you get away with laconic replies to texts that you revert to over time and even more indicative behaviour. Once they finally realize that there‘s no point in further trying, it will certainly be perceived and sometimes called out as douchebag-behaviour. Yet, to deduct from that it was said behaviour that had led to their attraction and pursuit would be wrong.
I‘m not even sure about my provider qualities by the way. I‘m a guy women like talking to and going out for drinks with, but I guess I’m lacking practical qualities that are called upon from other guys and that are deemed handy and maybe even manly and attractive: they all know they don‘t need to bother asking me when it comes to helping them move, carrying their stuff or having a shoulder to cry on, unless a really close friend that I have only one female of. With all of that though, I am perfectly fine.

Added in 8 hours 49 minutes 2 seconds:
The whole douchebag- and daredevil-thing reminds me of a guy over 40, bald, average looking at best (probably a 4-5) who keeps going after much younger women leaving the impression it's the most natural thing on earth. He doesn't seem (it'd be interesting to know whether that is really the case) bothered he's getting nowhere and of course I (and others) find it ridiculous. I am almost sure he doesn't even realize that, and if so, I doubt he'd care. The thing is, I'd care, because I myself would find myself ridiculous. I remember admin talking about the time when with anti-depressants he'd lose all sense of shame and pride, so to speak. I sometimes imagine what that'd be like, just being like that, never realizing that you are making a fool of yourself and thus not caring, if you could lead a more lighthearted life and maybe get lucky and succesful with attempt number 237. You wouldn't even miss the intriguing aspects of self-reflection and analysis, I guess, for you never had it in the first place... :)

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by Admin » 2 months ago

Arjen wrote:
2 months ago
I remember admin talking about the time when with anti-depressants he'd lose all sense of shame and pride, so to speak. I sometimes imagine what that'd be like, just being like that, never realizing that you are making a fool of yourself and thus not caring, if you could lead a more lighthearted life and maybe get lucky and succesful with attempt number 237. You wouldn't even miss the intriguing aspects of self-reflection and analysis, I guess, for you never had it in the first place...
The problem is that you pay a price for everything, not giving a fuck can lead to your demise as much as being paralyzed by overanalysis and shame.

Keep in mind that my joyful experience with antidepressants led to full-blown psychosis, which had actually little bearings on reality, but make no mistake, because of my shamelessness, I've killed all hopes of redemption in the eyes of some people.

Human beings do not easily forget and forgive betrayals and social faux pas. One should be aware of that and be adequately afraid of screwing up. That's why the gifts of neurosis and introversion that I had lost due to antidepressants are also quite valuable.

When they kicked back into gear full force after I stopped the SSRI, I was overwhelmed ny those thoughts primarily: "Everything I've done, I want to go back and do it differently, set it right, I'm so ashamed!"

Despite it bringing me a richer social life, even admiration (look! He doesn't give a fuck! He's so brave!) and yes, lots of sex, right after a lifetime of virginity. It was not worth it, you want to improve in a particular area? Work for it, incrementally, through pain, force yourself, and you will be permanently rewarded.

Take a shortcut (pharmaceutical, adopting that fake asshole attitude, self-help nonsense) and you will absolutely pay for it down the line. It's a bit like taking shortcuts to develop yourself spiritually with LSD, some people emerge transformed, and others go through hell. Some even stay stuck there permanently.

As Carl Jung would say: "Beware of wisdom that you didn't earn". So sorry Arjen, you want that idea of being able not to give a fuck to remain a fantasy, and realize that your personality type is actually a gift, as long as you can tame it to work for you and not against you.

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by Arjen » 2 months ago

Admin wrote:
2 months ago
The problem is that you pay a price for everything, not giving a fuck can lead to your demise as much as being paralyzed by overanalysis and shame.

Keep in mind that my joyful experience with antidepressants led to full-blown psychosis, which had actually little bearings on reality, but make no mistake, because of my shamelessness, I've killed all hopes of redemption in the eyes of some people.

Human beings do not easily forget and forgive betrayals and social faux pas. One should be aware of that and be adequately afraid of screwing up. That's where the gifts of neurosis and introversion that I had lost due to antidepressants are also quite valuable.

When they kicked back into gear full force after I stopped the SSRI, I was overwhelmed ny those thoughts primarily: "Everything I've done, I want to go back and do it differently, set it right, I'm so ashamed!"

Despite it bringing me a richer social life, even admiration (look! He doesn't give a fuck! He's so brave!) and yes, lots of sex, right after a lifetime of virginity. It was not worth it, you want to improve in a particular area? Work for it, incrementally, through pain, force yourself, and you will be permanently rewarded.

Take a shortcut (pharmaceutical, adopting that fake asshole attitude, self-help nonsense) and you will absolutely pay for it down the line. It's a bit like taking shortcuts to develop yourself spiritually with LSD, some people emerge transformed, and others go through hell. Some even stay stuck there permanently.

As Carl Jung would say: "Beware of wisdom that you didn't earn". So sorry Arjen, you want that idea of being able not to give a fuck to remain a fantasy, and realize that your personality type is actually a gift, as long as you can tame it to work for you and not against you.
That’s the thing, I agree it’s valuable and having known such a personality exists, I’d always miss it. What hurts me somehow is noticing that it would also work very well with women, seeing how the really attractive women were quick to lose interest or even unmatch me when I was (still reasonably) direct and dull with a Chad-profile, whereas I could tell their interest would often quickly increase and they were very keen on texting, exchanging thoughts and, well, meeting. I very much wish my lack of boldness (hello, Poland) or douchebag-behaviour, my aversion to rejection, my rather subtle ways were the reason for my lack of success with the women I like, when it’s really my looks (in relation to my expectations and women’s pickiness). I know I still have a better starting point than the majority of men population and it looks like I’m ungrateful for that, but it can sometimes feel like limbo – too little for heaven, too much to accept hell from early on.

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by JasonStatham » 2 months ago

JeanLucBB wrote:
2 months ago
I don't think that's simplistic in the slightest, and I've seen multiple photos of him. If you're a slightly shorter than average bald man with a small figure it would come across as ridiculous, for others it absolutely doesn't, 99% of the time those people have hair. Also I know you're talking about in general but you're responding about an idea mentioned by Evil to Arjen on a thread by him so I don't get how you can act like hairloss isn't relevant.

You can say there's a life outside hairloss, but that doesn't mean a 5"10 bald guy in their 30s can magically pull off the personality of being the douchey bald pussy slayer that doesn't give a fuck and have it appear realistic or anything other than cringe. Not even just in that extreme sense, but if women don't have the raw attraction to a dude with a slick bald head (and none of them do) then you're much better suited to playing the role of the attentive nice guy/provider which is suited to the specific look.

You can't overcome conventional social perceptions and expectations based on looks by sheer willpower. That's my point. Looks matter to how others react to your personality.

@JeanLucBB

You mentioned a disabled guy making fun of your hair. Was it this fullhead maybe?

He is quite famous:


Also, do you think he would get this girl he has in his Videos (which is a nice 7) if he was bald or not? He is very douchey to his girl, even makes fun of her in public. I guess its the hair.

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by JLBB » 2 months ago

JasonStatham wrote:
2 months ago
@JeanLucBB

You mentioned a disabled guy making fun of your hair. Was it this fullhead maybe?

He is quite famous:


Also, do you think he would get this girl he has in his Videos (which is a nice 7) if he was bald or not? He is very douchey to his girl, even makes fun of her in public. I guess its the hair.
Certainly there's a zero percent chance in my opinion that this couple would anywhere near this Youtube ready if he was bald. I outright don't think she'd even have considered being with him if he was, they have good chemistry but the situation would every last shred of its cute factor if he was bald.

Lmfao at that avatar by the way

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by JasonStatham » 2 months ago

JeanLucBB wrote:
2 months ago
Certainly there's a zero percent chance in my opinion that this couple would anywhere near this Youtube ready if he was bald. I outright don't think she'd even have considered being with him if he was, they have good chemistry but the situation would every last shred of its cute factor if he was bald.

Lmfao at that avatar by the way
Dude, I was just shitting with you with this Video. I took the most extreme case I could find, to make a to me, funny reply.

Now you are really going full BDD with your reply. She cleans his ass, feeds him, buys groceries, washes his clothes, hell she is basically his caretaker and maybe gives him a nice firm handjob or whatever they do sexually AND get laughed at from people on the streets, shows her parents and friends her disabled boyfriend and all this she wouldn't do, if he was bald? That's where you cut the line? Not the wheelchair or the other 50 things, no the hair :lol:

"But bruh is he kinda cute with the hair..."

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by JLBB » 2 months ago

JasonStatham wrote:
2 months ago
Dude, I was just shitting with you with this Video. I took the most extreme case I could find, to make a to me, funny reply.

Now you are really going full BDD with your reply. She cleans his ass, feeds him, buys groceries, washes his clothes, hell she is basically his caretaker and maybe gives him a nice firm handjob or whatever they do sexually AND get laughed at from people on the streets, shows her parents and friends her disabled boyfriend and all this she wouldn't do, if he was bald? That's where you cut the line? Not the wheelchair or the other 50 things, no the hair :lol:

"But bruh is he kinda cute with the hair..."

I know you were, but it doesn’t change any of what I said. Am I supposed to to just reply “aha yeah you’re right, it’s just hair bro!” and laugh it off? I don’t think so because thats 10x more bs than being part of the real world and accepting the hair matters to their aesthetic as vloggers and a couple.

They both have a YouTube channel which is basically a career with over 150k subs, 99% like to dislike ratio and ample positivity littered all over their social media, if she wasn’t happy with the situation she wouldn’t be doing it, period.

Of course to a (possibly large) degree she is using the situation to her advantage through the YouTube gig but you can tell she likes him and they have a decent relationship, albeit a weird one. And in terms of the typical aesthetic of those YouTube vlogs, the cutesy music and silly jokes, I absolutely think you’re delusional if you think it would work as well if he was bald. Also no one is laughing at them, she doesn’t seem unhappy at all and gets a career and a small corner of fame out of it. How is that a joke? Plenty of people would be asking why the fuck but their like to dislike ratio and channel success pretty much says it all, there’s more positivity than negativity. I’m not saying it’s something I would watch and I get your point of view on it, but the appeal to some people of that aesthetic is obvious, saying otherwise is just ignoring reality. Why do you think it’s successful?

I know you think I’m being overly negative by focusing on how bad hairloss is, but in my opinion you shitting on their relationship comes across as 10x more so, also I don’t even think your deducememt of them is accurate. I mean you got outright got a hair transplant dude, quit acting like it’s not an issue.

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by Admin » 2 months ago

JasonStatham wrote:
2 months ago
She cleans his ass, feeds him, buys groceries, washes his clothes, hell she is basically his caretaker and maybe gives him a nice firm handjob or whatever they do sexually AND get laughed at from people on the streets, shows her parents and friends her disabled boyfriend and all this she wouldn't do, if he was bald? That's where you cut the line?
JeanLucBB wrote:
2 months ago
And in terms of the typical aesthetic of those YouTube vlogs, the cutesy music and silly jokes, I absolutely think you’re delusional if you think it would work as well if he was bald. Also no one is laughing at them, she doesn’t seem unhappy at all and gets a career and a small corner of fame out of it.
I haven't watched the video but I can already tell what's in it from reading your posts. I don't necessarily have a problem with that kind of feel-good nonsense which warps reality and is supposed to make the viewer feel both more grateful and more empathetic. It's basically something most people will watch to bathe in virtue-signalling.

It's all fine but start using those videos as a tool to make me or other hair loss sufferers feel bad about their suffering and I'll start biting. That's also why those videos exist, you'll see them posted as a reply to hair loss sufferers on more mainstream/normie forums accompanied by a line like "well look at him, he can complain, you? It's just hair!" One of those couples was blasted at me on the RooshV forum for example: "Look at him, he has no arms and legs, what's your excuse!".

Here is the post for that matter:

https://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-2716 ... #pid815441

It's this idea that since someone is supposed to be suffering more than you, then you have no right to complain, and you're an infinite pussy if you do. It's someone coming to you to tell you that your suffering is BS, you should just reprogram your mind. It's actually one of the hallmarks of narcissistic abuse, "your feelings don't matter, I'll tell you how winners (like me) should feel about this!"

About what should matter here, well, it's complicated, they may very well be a genuine couple, and she just accepts him as he is, and the attention, fame and money they get on YouTube are just the icing on the cake. That said, I will side with @JeanLucBB here about the fact that him having hair might actually be a decisive factor in her attraction.

You see, I've changed my mind about a lot of things since I started debating on (hair loss) forums, but the idea that hair changes your identity. It actually turns you into another person, there's barely anything else out there that make you undergo such a drastic transformation to the point that even the people closest to you may not recognize you once you transition to a shaved head. Worse, they'll tell you that you now look like: a skinhead, a Down Syndrome patient, a cancer patient, etc. etc. implying something like "come on, Fred, this isn't you!"

The only question here is: would she like that other person too? The bald (sub)version of himself? For most women, the answer to that question will be a resounding no, since more women would rather see their husband become obese rather than bald.

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by JasonStatham » 2 months ago

There is no point to talk with you both. You both were hit rock hard with Hairloss. We know that. But my point is that some people will not be effected like you both did.

Arjen does not look like 65 just because he is bald. Arjen does not get laughed at him at from a dentist. Arjen still got women. Arjen didn't go to a mental hospital. He also didn't stopped socialize like I did. The majority of people will be between the BDD people here and guys like Arjen.

My response was focused on Arjen cause He asked a question. And then you come with your side of view which is very isolated to your experience and simple down my whole reply to him with:"Well without hair your advice is basically useless". Give me a break lol. I'm not saying that hair loss isn't making you uglier. I'm not saying hair loss isn't hard to deal with. But please. Even I that did a hair transplant and have hundreds of post, can sometimes see the world from a different view than my own experiences.

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by Arjen » 2 months ago

JasonStatham wrote:
2 months ago
There is no point to talk with you both. You both were hit rock hard with Hairloss. We know that. But my point is that some people will not be effected like you both did.

Arjen does not look like 65 just because he is bald. Arjen does not get laughed at him at from a dentist. Arjen still got women. Arjen didn't go to a mental hospital. He also didn't stopped socialize like I did. The majority of people will be between the BDD people here and guys like Arjen.

My response was focused on Arjen cause He asked a question. And then you come with your side of view which is very isolated to your experience and simple down my whole reply to him with:"Well without hair your advice is basically useless". Give me a break lol. I'm not saying that hair loss isn't making you uglier. I'm not saying hair loss isn't hard to deal with. But please. Even I that did a hair transplant and have hundreds of post, can sometimes see the world from a different view than my own experiences.
I will admit that some posts about the impact of hair make me chuckle just as freely as that all in all my view has slightly changed through this forum and its members and I’d say that I’ve most likely underestimated the effect my hair loss has had on my appearance. However, I fear I’m a terrible example to hold against “BDD-cases”, since I have a very difficult relationship with my face, much more than with my hair, build or height.

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by Admin » 2 months ago

JasonStatham wrote:
2 months ago
There is no point to talk with you both. You both were hit rock hard with Hairloss. We know that. But my point is that some people will not be effected like you both did.

Arjen does not look like 65 just because he is bald. Arjen does not get laughed at him at from a dentist. Arjen still got women. Arjen didn't go to a mental hospital. He also didn't stopped socialize like I did. The majority of people will be between the BDD people here and guys like Arjen.

My response was focused on Arjen cause He asked a question. And then you come with your side of view which is very isolated to your experience and simple down my whole reply to him with:"Well without hair your advice is basically useless". Give me a break lol. I'm not saying that hair loss isn't making you uglier. I'm not saying hair loss isn't hard to deal with. But please. Even I that did a hair transplant and have hundreds of post, can sometimes see the world from a different view than my own experiences.
There is some truth in what you're saying here, yes, we're all different people and some people out there can obviously deal with hair loss better. Better in the sense that they won't break down mentally, spend a fortune on hair loss treatments or end up being the "winner" with his own hair loss forum.

That said, there is such thing as objective truth out there and even if you overlook the fact that hair loss will almost always make any man look older, sillier and uglier, what it will fundamentally do is change your identity itself, or simply put, turn you into another person.

Another person with their new characteristics and new constraints, usually things you cannot do or rather be seen to do anymore since they won't fit with the social model that will now be expected from that new personality you now have to adopt. As a bald 23 year old, you can't adopt the skater identity anymore, you can't be "the pretty boy womanizer" anymore, hell even your identity as university student will be put into question (it certainly was for me).

You will have to let parts of your old personality die. The most important question here is: are you going to be OK with becoming that whole new person or not? Me? Hell no, I lost my mind over it and I'm not ashamed to admit it, @JeanLucBB took drastic steps to become that legit fullhead guy again, and you too underwent a hair transplant, something that is still quite rare for hair loss sufferers. Some people will just tell themselves that the fact that they turned into another person is not such a big deal, and I respect that. Many times I've told myself that it would have made my life simpler.

But it's not without trade-offs of course, since the downsides of being bald or afflicted by extensive hair loss are real, they have to make sure that they truly believe what they're preaching: that they have indeed accepted this bald (sub)version of themselves. Otherwise they are bound to shake their fist at the sky when for example the girls they are after reject their bald self, projecting their own feelings of acceptance onto others: "Well I don't get it, I still look fine, why don't they think the same?!". Correct me if I'm wrong @Arjen, don't you find yourself going there every now and then?

What I'm saying here is not that complicated to understand and is at the core of our hair loss issue. It obviously goes even beyond looks, attractiveness, age, identity, etc. It's about becoming a different person, or rather doing everything in your power not to become that person. But as I've said, if some people like Arjen or many bald(ing) guys out can live with that without becoming a neurotic mess, more power to them. I just hope that they truly believe what they say.

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