Admin wrote: ↑
1 month ago
That's a tough one for me, an aspect on which I have trouble changing my views. I believe in love at first sight (yeah yeah, I'm a blue-pilled cuck), and that it should happened with the girl who's going to become you life-long partner. Now I was aware that my girlfriend was the one from the get-go, but my girlfriend was less "there" even though she kissed me very fast, it's also possible that you're not aware of your attraction, and that's how I would rationalize why your ex thought she gradually fell in love with you, to me it was always there.
Sexual and romantic attraction is something different from someone growing on you. I don't know, it's kind of something I can always feel, not just when it comes to girls, I've talked about this before, I know when I'm going to get along with someone, so maybe I project this onto others. It's something like: I meet them, we exchange a few words and it's like I see multiple exciting pathways in the conversations. I may be speaking Chinese here :p.
My fiancée and I were having a conversation about this recently, and I said something like "when we met, it's like we always knew each other" (don't vomit!) and yeah, it was true. I just noticed my analysis doesn't revolve around looks, which is where we've very different. I was probably more like you in the past, focusing a lot on looks and the girl's hotness. I think this is part of the reason you still want to give credit to Wolf Pack's extreme ideas about looks. Here's an opinion that the lookism types will despise (and also make you vomit): beauty is not solely about looks.
My fiancée is similar to me in looks.
In the sense that when we walk hand in hand in public, you wouldn't think "he's too good for her" or the other way around.
I cannot put it more simply. Now if only you would start looking beyond looks
You see the, no, sorry, MY “problem”
with you is multi-layered: I think you are smart, I see the similarities in personality and particularly in perceptions. What you write (it’s either you know and also she knows if she genuinely finds you attractive enough from the get-go or not) is deep inside me, because it’s pretty much how it works for me regarding women. I’m reluctant to actually swallow that black-pill, but I’ve held it in my hand for a long time and you – given the aspects mentioned before – manage to intensify my feelings.
And this – and here it comes – despite repeated evidence to the contrary. A female I used to be pretty close with got into a relationship with a guy she at one point (before getting together with him) described as not her type, which is even more telling than maybe subconsciously thinking so. She still (and admittedly pretty quickly) fell for him and has ended up mourning him breaking up with her even a year after the fact. In my ex’ case it’s two years by the way, as I sadly learnt. They both would never have swiped right on me (or that guy respectively) on Tinder, nor would a girl you and Jason find a 7+ have developed a pretty serious crush on me that I never reciprocated, because, well, I DO work the way you describe and project on all women.
So what am I saying: I think like you (and often argue like you towards people in the real world – “either they like you instantly or it’s too much of a compromise on her side anyways” etc.), but deep down want to be more blue-pilled, especially since I have first hand examples that indicate it’s – while not the rule – possible.
All this lets me get back to why I had noticed your name on HairLossTalk shortly after your ban there, because I had the immediate desire to ask you:
If genuine attraction = immediate attraction(decided very quickly, according to you even on pics, if you use a right-swipe there as an ultimate indicator) is the only basis for a relationship in which you are not in for trouble sooner or later, how do you explain 2s or 3s like me? Why is it any more likely that I am in their 15%, just because they have more options? I am not, it’s about reaching as high up as you think you can (without even realizing in many women’s cases apparently). Otherwise it would be just as likely to get likes from any woman from 1-10, if it was really just about taste and related to that the fact that you happen to be in the 15% she is genuinely attracted and therefore interested in.
Most of the women on Tinder are in the top bottom 15% who know they have to go for the 85% of men, and yes, you’ll have to somewhat meet their taste within that second tier to even get a chance with them on Tinder, but this is hardly a “Wow, I’m attracted”-constellation. Appreciation for beauty is independent of your own level of attractiveness, and I am living proof of that.
In the end the most plausible explanation I have is that everybody has a (mostly subconscious) looks-threshold (which I keep mentioning) - and if Tinder decides whether we pass that threshold, then goodbye my friends, because it's either BIG (much too big) compromise on her or the man's or at least my part.