Arjen wrote: ↑1 year ago Obviously I can only theorise about this, but in my head, it would be something you could always live off in the future: knowing this is the person you were madly in love with until it transformed into something less exciting, but familiar, stable and its own way beautiful. I just don’t want to have lived a life where the first part got skipped. And this is the feeling I had during my last relationship: that I’m blocked for the (remote) chance to experience this and that I therefore waste my and my partner’s precious (especially in my case, given my age) time. I actually was less happy than I am now, because I now at least feel like I’m not betraying myself (or a partner).
I think you are honest when you call me “not bad looking”, just like I believe other people who tell me this. But: I just no longer believe it’s enough to attract a good looking (>>> “not bad LOOKING) woman. And I do believe all women I like physical, while not models, are good looking.
Actually, yes! I have never and will never fall in love with a guy I find ugly or even unattractive, but I've been with someone that most people here would see as pretty average, compared to me (not to toot my own horn here lol)
Xander from HairLossTalk actually saw a picture of him once, and he was surprised that I had dated him. The guy in question was the 15 yrs older guy I have talked about a million times before lol, he was actually broke as fuck when we met, my first impression of him was "he's pretty old", he was balding, 5'9-10 (I'm 5'7) and not that fit (not unfit either, he was slim, just not ripped)
Despite all of this, he had a masculine aura about him that I liked, he had great style, was funny, charismatic and made me feel really safe. While it was not love at first sight, it was something that grew on me and turned into real feelings. Actually he was the one guy who has really broken my heart, he was in my life for like 7 years on and off, so...
My current boyfriend (ooops, husband, I forget! ) is good-looking, I would say we're fairly looks matched, if you look away from my baldness. But that's not the main reason I'm with him, it's because we are really good together and have a lot of fun, and he always reassures me when I'm insecure (a lot of the time), and I believe he's in it for the long haul. We have both promised each other that a part of the married contract is never letting ourselves go, though Which is a promise I intend to keep
Anyway, I understand your point about not wanting to live a life where you've never been "in love"
But I also think it's a mental block in your head that keeps you from feeling these feelings, without assuming too much about your personal love life. It's a really difficult dilemma, because on one hand I understand you you wouldn't wanna start a life with someone you were never truly in love with in the first place. But on the other hand I think your feelings around this is actually hindering you from finding love. Have you ever felt real feelings about someone?