Guys, can't you please be more selective? :p

Since hair loss and dating are closely intertwined: discuss how to improve your chances with women.
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EvilLocks
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Guys, can't you please be more selective? :p

#15455

Post by EvilLocks » 1 year ago

Arjen wrote: 1 year ago Obviously I can only theorise about this, but in my head, it would be something you could always live off in the future: knowing this is the person you were madly in love with until it transformed into something less exciting, but familiar, stable and its own way beautiful. I just don’t want to have lived a life where the first part got skipped. And this is the feeling I had during my last relationship: that I’m blocked for the (remote) chance to experience this and that I therefore waste my and my partner’s precious (especially in my case, given my age) time. I actually was less happy than I am now, because I now at least feel like I’m not betraying myself (or a partner).

I think you are honest when you call me “not bad looking”, just like I believe other people who tell me this. But: I just no longer believe it’s enough to attract a good looking (>>> “not bad LOOKING) woman. And I do believe all women I like physical, while not models, are good looking.


Actually, yes! I have never and will never fall in love with a guy I find ugly or even unattractive, but I've been with someone that most people here would see as pretty average, compared to me (not to toot my own horn here lol)
Xander from HairLossTalk actually saw a picture of him once, and he was surprised that I had dated him. The guy in question was the 15 yrs older guy I have talked about a million times before lol, he was actually broke as fuck when we met, my first impression of him was "he's pretty old", he was balding, 5'9-10 (I'm 5'7) and not that fit (not unfit either, he was slim, just not ripped)
Despite all of this, he had a masculine aura about him that I liked, he had great style, was funny, charismatic and made me feel really safe. While it was not love at first sight, it was something that grew on me and turned into real feelings. Actually he was the one guy who has really broken my heart, he was in my life for like 7 years on and off, so...
My current boyfriend (ooops, husband, I forget! xD) is good-looking, I would say we're fairly looks matched, if you look away from my baldness. But that's not the main reason I'm with him, it's because we are really good together and have a lot of fun, and he always reassures me when I'm insecure (a lot of the time), and I believe he's in it for the long haul. We have both promised each other that a part of the married contract is never letting ourselves go, though xD Which is a promise I intend to keep ;)

Anyway, I understand your point about not wanting to live a life where you've never been "in love"
But I also think it's a mental block in your head that keeps you from feeling these feelings, without assuming too much about your personal love life. It's a really difficult dilemma, because on one hand I understand you you wouldn't wanna start a life with someone you were never truly in love with in the first place. But on the other hand I think your feelings around this is actually hindering you from finding love. Have you ever felt real feelings about someone?
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#15456

Post by blackg » 1 year ago

Admin wrote: 1 year ago Some people can't seem to shake off this feeling that the universe owes them the best, and if it doesn't happen, well something must be wrong, surely the world isn't set up properly, it's the women! It's the men not being picky enough! It's everyone else! Some people get random praise and attention so why couldn't I get that too?!
I have a couple of ex-friends who probably still think like this and I was often on the receiving end of their pent up resentment and anger.
"They say hard work never hurt anybody, but, I figure, why take the chance?"

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#15457

Post by Arjen » 1 year ago

EvilLocks wrote: 1 year ago
My current boyfriend (ooops, husband, I forget! xD) is good-looking, I would say we're fairly looks matched, if you look away from my baldness. But that's not the main reason I'm with him, it's because we are really good together and have a lot of fun, and he always reassures me when I'm insecure (a lot of the time), and I believe he's in it for the long haul. We have both promised each other that a part of the married contract is never letting ourselves go, though xD Which is a promise I intend to keep ;)

Anyway, I understand your point about not wanting to live a life where you've never been "in love"
But I also think it's a mental block in your head that keeps you from feeling these feelings, without assuming too much about your personal love life. It's a really difficult dilemma, because on one hand I understand you you wouldn't wanna start a life with someone you were never truly in love with in the first place. But on the other hand I think your feelings around this is actually hindering you from finding love. Have you ever felt real feelings about someone?
The first statement from a person outside this forum would probably irk me a little, because it's always easy to say it's not his/her looks when they fit. I mean, I agree, truly, it takes more than that, but the fact other factors matter does evidently not (automatically) mean other factors can nullify the requirement of suitable looks (just for @blackg : sufficient looks = conditio sine qua non).

But in this contect and in light of your other big love, and also considering the "not the MAIN reason" part: we're good. ;)

As for your question: I've had silly teenager crushes without actual foundation, I still catch myself dreaming a little sometimes, but the rejections that hurt where I was truly attracted physically and mentally, where I could virtually feel the vibe and her strong desire to be in touch with me, but not going down the physical route. There were "only" two, maybe three such constellations (in each of which I found the respective woman attractive from the beginning, but wasn't immediately interested in or trying to get with them), but they - together with the realisation very few women see me as attractive just by looking at and without knowing me - created this firm belief my looks prevent me from success with a pretty woman.
Even afro has seen the women I've dated and can affirm that they arent 3s or 4s.

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#15459

Post by EvilLocks » 1 year ago

I've always said this, that looks are important to me, in the sense that I have to be physically (and mentally) attracted to a guy in order to proceed a relationship with him, or even sleep with him. Almost all the guys I've been intimate with have been serious relationships, and I've found all of them attractive, even the older guy I mentioned, despite him not being ''perfect'' looking. I wouldn't say they've necessarily been Chad's, but all have possessed attractive qualities both physically and mentally.
I think any person that claims looks don't matter are lying, but I also believe it when I hear a person say about their non-Chad/Stacy-significant other that they find them sexy or attractive. Looks and perfection doesn't necessarily go hand-in-hand, a lot of times feelings of lust can grow after getting to know each other, and getting on.
Arjen wrote: 1 year ago together with the realisation very few women see me as attractive just by looking at and without knowing me - created this firm belief my looks prevent me from success with a pretty woman.
That's just wrong, while I can understand your feelings if they stem from repeated rejection from women you find attractive, it's just not realistic to believe that it must be because of your looks.
If that were the case, there would be no non-Chad male out there with a decently attractive or looks matched girlfriend, ever.
Because I haven't met you in person it's hard to say what is the real reason, but maybe it's not necessarily your looks, but your masculine aura? Some guys seem to continually be put in the friends category, despite of them not being bad looking. I feel like it's kind of an unspoken, or unseen thing about a guy that can turn a woman on/off. I really don't know, but I know that from looking at a picture of you, there's nothing about your appearance that tells me as a woman, that no attractive woman would want you...
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#15473

Post by Guest-4 » 1 year ago

@Arjen ,

You should follow my hair transplant thread, if you end up liking the result, you might consider going there as well. They don't charge that much more for using body hair if you need those as well.

Added in 32 minutes 36 seconds:
EvilLocks wrote: 1 year ago I've always said this, that looks are important to me, in the sense that I have to be physically (and mentally) attracted to a guy in order to proceed a relationship with him, or even sleep with him. Almost all the guys I've been intimate with have been serious relationships, and I've found all of them attractive, even the older guy I mentioned, despite him not being ''perfect'' looking. I wouldn't say they've necessarily been Chad's, but all have possessed attractive qualities both physically and mentally.
I think any person that claims looks don't matter are lying, but I also believe it when I hear a person say about their non-Chad/Stacy-significant other that they find them sexy or attractive. Looks and perfection doesn't necessarily go hand-in-hand, a lot of times feelings of lust can grow after getting to know each other, and getting on.



That's just wrong, while I can understand your feelings if they stem from repeated rejection from women you find attractive, it's just not realistic to believe that it must be because of your looks.
If that were the case, there would be no non-Chad male out there with a decently attractive or looks matched girlfriend, ever.
Because I haven't met you in person it's hard to say what is the real reason, but maybe it's not necessarily your looks, but your masculine aura? Some guys seem to continually be put in the friends category, despite of them not being bad looking. I feel like it's kind of an unspoken, or unseen thing about a guy that can turn a woman on/off. I really don't know, but I know that from looking at a picture of you, there's nothing about your appearance that tells me as a woman, that no attractive woman would want you...
Reading this was fucking painful, as a lot of it likely applies to me.
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#15499

Post by Arjen » 1 year ago

Afro_Vacancy wrote: 1 year ago Arjen ,

You should follow my hair transplant thread, if you end up liking the result, you might consider going there as well. They don't charge that much more for using body hair if you need those as well.

Added in 32 minutes 36 seconds:


Reading this was fucking painful, as a lot of it likely applies to me.
Interesting, both EL‘s and your statement. It‘s definitely possible that I‘m not particularly masculine (physically, but also in terms of handiness for example). But: I‘d rather it be this than unpleasant looks. Plus: if it really were my way with girls, an (almost) asexual aura so to speak: why is it that not any women at all are ever interested in me, but instead just not attractive ones? In general I see the point that was further proven by how Luca Hänni is seen, the boyish men (the friend with hair I mention belongs in that category as well) are not preferred by most men, even less so if you are not a prime member of that category.
I‘m definitely keeping an eye on your thread and wish you good luck; however, in terms of starting points for a hair transplant, you are in a much better situation.
Even afro has seen the women I've dated and can affirm that they arent 3s or 4s.

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#15576

Post by Wire » 1 year ago

EvilLocks wrote: 1 year ago I wonder what you would do, if you actually find yourself an amazing girl, one who you find attractive, and fall madly in love with her. Then, after a few years, you get married and she has your kids. Let's just hypothesize that she doesn't let herself go here, but that she doesn't look exactly like the girl you fell in love with after she's popped out your 3 kids, and gotten a bit older. What will you do then? Looks are important as I've said a million times before, but if it's the main and only reason for wanting someone you'll be in for trouble.
I read a passage by someone that once you've been with someone, you tend to see them as they were, not as their degraded selves (within some bounds of course).
Isn't that sexual harassment?!
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#15582

Post by EvilLocks » 1 year ago

Arjen wrote: 1 year ago Interesting, both EL‘s and your statement. It‘s definitely possible that I‘m not particularly masculine (physically, but also in terms of handiness for example). But: I‘d rather it be this than unpleasant looks. Plus: if it really were my way with girls, an (almost) asexual aura so to speak: why is it that not any women at all are ever interested in me, but instead just not attractive ones? In general I see the point that was further proven by how Luca Hänni is seen, the boyish men (the friend with hair I mention belongs in that category as well) are not preferred by most men, even less so if you are not a prime member of that category.
I‘m definitely keeping an eye on your thread and wish you good luck; however, in terms of starting points for a hair transplant, you are in a much better situation.
This should cheer you up

Image

Marina Laswick, whom I consider a 10/10 is married to this average looking and rather chubby asian dude. He does seem to have height on his side, and of course, hair. I think this is a case of hypergamy, not that it bothers me, they seem happy.
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#15601

Post by Guest-4 » 1 year ago

EvilLocks wrote: 1 year ago This should cheer you up

Image

Marina Laswick, whom I consider a 10/10 is married to this average looking and rather chubby asian dude. He does seem to have height on his side, and of course, hair. I think this is a case of hypergamy, not that it bothers me, they seem happy.
He has height, hair, and he might have money, intelligence, and personality.

She is magnificent though ...
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#15610

Post by EvilLocks » 1 year ago

Afro_Vacancy wrote: 1 year ago He has height, hair, and he might have money, intelligence, and personality.

She is magnificent though ...
Those are the redeeming qualities I mentioned. Still, it doesn't take away from the fact that she's at least 3 points above him looks-wise.
I would give him a 6/10 max taking his height and hair into account. He's chubby, and his facial features aren't what I consider attractive in males either, though not ugly.
If he lost the fat and gained some definition aka muscle he might elevate himself to a 7, but if you took away his redeeming qualities and made him short + bald, he'd fall to a 4 or even a 3.
I made him bald here to show my point, I don't know how to make him short in a picture but I think we can visualize ;)
(PS nobody mock my Photoshop skills, I literally spent 1 minute doing this, I know how to Photoshop I promise, I do it for a living haha)
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#15615

Post by Pat » 1 year ago

EvilLocks wrote: 1 year ago Those are the redeeming qualities I mentioned. Still, it doesn't take away from the fact that she's at least 3 points above him looks-wise.
I would give him a 6/10 max taking his height and hair into account. He's chubby, and his facial features aren't what I consider attractive in males either, though not ugly.
If he lost the fat and gained some definition aka muscle he might elevate himself to a 7, but if you took away his redeeming qualities and made him short + bald, he'd fall to a 4 or even a 3.
I made him bald here to show my point, I don't know how to make him short in a picture but I think we can visualize ;)
(PS nobody mock my Photoshop skills, I literally spent 1 minute doing this, I know how to Photoshop I promise, I do it for a living haha)
I'm not sure what this extreme outlier of a woman being able to date slightly down proves. But I've been having a bit of fun with photoshop since I downloaded it a few weeks back, so I decided to try to shop the dude shorter real quick.
Image

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#15616

Post by EvilLocks » 1 year ago

Pat wrote: 1 year ago I'm not sure what this extreme outlier of a woman being able to date slightly down proves. But I've been having a bit of fun with photoshop since I downloaded it a few weeks back, so I decided to try to shop the dude shorter real quick.
Image
Slightly down? Bahahah :lol:

I like your subtle hinting of you being better at PS than me after downloading it ''a few weeks ago" by the way :straight-smile: Your cloning-work could be better but of course you've only given it a quick fix :clap:

I
I
I
V

I actually like how the end result turned out, at least we have an accurate-ish version of what he'd look like short and bald
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#15618

Post by Pat » 1 year ago

EvilLocks wrote: 1 year ago Slightly down? Bahahah :lol:
I think they're not far off eachother, the guy just has a dad bod.
EvilLocks wrote: 1 year ago I like your subtle hinting of you being better at PS than me after downloading it ''a few weeks ago" by the way :straight-smile: Your cloning-work could be better but of course you've only given it a quick fix :clap:
I didn't mean to do that. It was more of an excuse as to why the photoshop is pretty bad, and why I even bothered doing it in the first place.
EvilLocks wrote: 1 year ago I actually like how the end result turned out, at least we have an accurate-ish version of what he'd look like short and bald
Nice, that looks better. The power of team work and friendship has successfully turned an innocent man into a bald manlet.

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#15620

Post by Arjen » 1 year ago

Pat wrote: 1 year ago I think they're not far off eachother, the guy just has a dad bod.
I tend to agree with you on a lot of stuff related to this topic, we also seem to have similar tastes, but seriously, if I ever saw a real-life-couple with looks distributed the same way as in EL's example, I'd feel sheer disbelief and joy. They are easily 3 levels apart, if not 4. He has nothing going for him except for his hair and height looks-wise. Also, his shirt is horrible. :roll:
Even afro has seen the women I've dated and can affirm that they arent 3s or 4s.

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#15624

Post by EvilLocks » 1 year ago

Pat wrote: 1 year ago I think they're not far off eachother, the guy just has a dad bod.
I beg to differ. His facial features are beta.
Pat wrote: 1 year ago
I didn't mean to do that. It was more of an excuse as to why the photoshop is pretty bad, and why I even bothered doing it in the first place.
Okay, my bad :) Anyway your Photoshop is not that bad for only having used it a few weeks actually. Photoshop is a pretty complex program and what you are doing like changing a persons body shape, height etc. is not something noobs are usually able to do, at least without the background being warped and rounded like you see with girls on Insta who shop/facetune themselves
Pat wrote: 1 year ago Nice, that looks better. The power of team work and friendship has successfully turned an innocent man into a bald manlet.
Aww, I like that you referred to us as "friendship" (I choose to believe it wasn't irony ;) )
Now we should make her chubby and give her a mom cut :straight-smile:

Added in 44 minutes 46 seconds:
I can't believe I spent 20 mins of my free time on this lol. Rushed but decent result?
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