Online dating study: trying to date out of your league

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Arjen
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Re: Online dating study: trying to date out of your league

Post by Arjen » Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:00 pm

JasonStatham wrote:
Thu Nov 15, 2018 1:54 pm
A lot of people are like this. And then you ask them to try Tinder in Europe with a 6 and suddenly reality kicks in.
Johnson is Western European and he says it in a very conclusive way without me giving him the benefit of the naivety doubt.

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Re: Online dating study: trying to date out of your league

Post by Johnson » Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:42 pm

Arjen wrote:
Thu Nov 15, 2018 7:16 am
You consider yourself a 6-7, right? That seems justified to me. Would you allow me to use a few good pics of you and swipe on Tinder in Zurich with them? I have Tinder Gold, so we could even see what amount and what level of girls give you a like. It would help prove your point, so are you in?
I don't know why, but I would prefer you not to. Obviously I cant stop you if you do decide.

I've had success in the Sheffield, Barcelona, Bangkok, Siem Reap, and Saigon (the last three may sound like its easy mode but I was matching and dating western women here). I agree its not the perfect sample though and I haven't tried the infamously bad cities (Toronto, san fran, London).

As far as looks goes you all know I am not elite in terms of looks but look good enough to get decent dates/partners - perhaps around a 6.5

My bio is nothing special either. My profile just says:

teacher in (city)

looking to meet someone quirky and intelligent.

loves: comedy, hiking, reading, film nights, travel, and binge eating.

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Re: Online dating study: trying to date out of your league

Post by Arjen » Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:45 pm

Johnson wrote:
Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:42 pm
I don't know why, but I would prefer you not to. Obviously I cant stop you if you do decide.

I've had success in the Sheffield, Barcelona, Bangkok, Siem Reap, and Saigon (the last three may sound like its easy mode but I was matching and dating western women here). I agree its not the perfect sample though and I haven't tried the infamously bad cities (Toronto, san fran, London).

As far as looks goes you all know I am not elite in terms of looks but look good enough to get decent dates/partners - perhaps around a 6.5

My bio is nothing special either. My profile just says:

teacher in (city)

looking to meet someone quirky and intelligent.

loves: comedy, hiking, reading, film nights, travel, and binge eating.
Won‘t do it then, of course.

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Re: Online dating study: trying to date out of your league

Post by Johnson » Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:47 pm

JasonStatham wrote:
Thu Nov 15, 2018 12:05 pm
Haha good luck fucking fattys and 4s and 5s..
To believe that a man can date in the same league Online, you have to be delusional. If its well known that women can Date easily 2-3 points above, why would you think a 6 can Date good looking women? You will end with matches from 2-3 points below you with the occasional looks match every 2nd month.

Johnson is maybe comparing it from an Asian country which does not count. When I was in Taiwan and I would give myself a conservative 6, I got hundreds of matches with shitty pictures but at home, it was nothing with the same pictures. Funny.
I've fucked around 50 or so women in my time. I'd say only 10 or so were 7 or 8s (probably only two 8s). The core of them were 5's and 6's granted (and perhaps five or six 4s as well).

Sometimes a good conversation and a few beers makes are standards alter.

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Re: Online dating study: trying to date out of your league

Post by Johnson » Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:49 pm

Arjen wrote:
Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:45 pm
Won‘t do it then, of course.
Thanks.

Is your thought that i would fail in a place like Zurich?

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Re: Online dating study: trying to date out of your league

Post by Arjen » Thu Nov 15, 2018 3:01 pm

Johnson wrote:
Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:49 pm
Thanks.

Is your thought that i would fail in a place like Zurich?
No offence, but I‘m pretty sure you would, and I concur with your rating of yourself. I‘ve seen guys struggle that I rate a 7 here, i.e. mostly likes by 3-6 girls, many of them older than the men.

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Re: Online dating study: trying to date out of your league

Post by Johnson » Thu Nov 15, 2018 3:07 pm

Arjen wrote:
Thu Nov 15, 2018 3:01 pm
No offence, but I‘m pretty sure you would, and I concur with your rating of yourself. I‘ve seen guys struggle that I rate a 7 here, i.e. mostly likes by 3-6 girls, many of them older than the men.
Can you theorise why the standards are unsual in a place like Switzerland?

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Re: Online dating study: trying to date out of your league

Post by Arjen » Thu Nov 15, 2018 3:15 pm

Johnson wrote:
Thu Nov 15, 2018 3:07 pm
Can you theorise why the standards are unsual in a place like Switzerland?
I can only speculate, but my best guess would be that especially in Zurich you have a lot of looks&style-conscious, tall, dark, often enough also cultured and well-earning men, i.e. quite a lot of 8s and women even with regular office jobs can lead hedonistic lives through their pretty high salaries and the fact that 6ts up get spoilt by men far too much, so they can afford to just go for a guy’s looks. I was in Vancouver last June: similar size, also said to be pretty uptight, but even there I could notice a considerable increase in likes and even matches. So no, I’m not offended by anyone not finding me a 6 (I’m truly not, I could even understand), but your laconic post suggested I hadn’t even done my basic homework/I was lacking any self-awareness.
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Re: Online dating study: trying to date out of your league

Post by Johnson » Thu Nov 15, 2018 3:25 pm

Arjen wrote:
Thu Nov 15, 2018 3:15 pm
I can only speculate, but my best guesses would be that especially in Zurich you have a lot of looks&style-conscious, tall, dark, often enough also cultured and well-earning men, i.e. quite a lot of 8s and women even with regular office jobs can lead hedonistic lives through their pretty high salaries and the fact that 6ts up get spoilt by men far too much, so they can afford to just go for a guy’s looks. I was in Vancouver last June: similar size, also said to be pretty uptight, but even there I could notice a considerable increase in likes and even matches. So no, I’m not offended by anyone not finding me a 6 (I’m truly not, I could even understand), but your laconic post suggested I hadn’t even done my basic homework/I was lacking any self-awareness.
Would you consider moving to a new city to improve dating prospects?

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Re: Online dating study: trying to date out of your league

Post by Arjen » Thu Nov 15, 2018 3:27 pm

Johnson wrote:
Thu Nov 15, 2018 3:25 pm
Would you consider moving to a new city to improve dating prospects?
No. But I've thought of "importing" an attractive and cultured woman.

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Re: Online dating study: trying to date out of your league

Post by JasonStatham » Thu Nov 15, 2018 6:03 pm

Johnson wrote:
Thu Nov 15, 2018 2:47 pm
I've fucked around 50 or so women in my time. I'd say only 10 or so were 7 or 8s (probably only two 8s). The core of them were 5's and 6's granted (and perhaps five or six 4s as well).

Sometimes a good conversation and a few beers makes are standards alter.
That's a lot. My notches were as well the most in the 5-6 bracket with 2-3 women I'm not proud and would love to forget and a few that for me personally were very hot (7+). When I talk to other men about it, they seem to say the same numbers more or less. Even the good-looking men 7+ have the most sex with the 5-6 women.

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Re: Online dating study: trying to date out of your league

Post by Johnson » Thu Nov 15, 2018 11:46 pm

JasonStatham wrote:
Thu Nov 15, 2018 6:03 pm
That's a lot. My notches were as well the most in the 5-6 bracket with 2-3 women I'm not proud and would love to forget and a few that for me personally were very hot (7+). When I talk to other men about it, they seem to say the same numbers more or less. Even the good-looking men 7+ have the most sex with the 5-6 women.
If a woman requires a lot of effort or a lot of chasing then most of us avoid them.

Ideally the effort put into dating should be 50/50 (although it seldom is).

Perhaps we date down because of this.

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Re: Online dating study: trying to date out of your league

Post by Arjen » Fri Nov 16, 2018 8:29 am

Johnson wrote:
Thu Nov 15, 2018 11:46 pm
If a woman requires a lot of effort or a lot of chasing then most of us avoid them.

Ideally the effort put into dating should be 50/50 (although it seldom is).

Perhaps we date down because of this.
The trick is to find sb who has - consciously or subconsciously - the feeling they are dating up with you and vice versa.
Dating down for the reasons you mention is probably more common than most would admit but not for me. If I were an 8, I‘d perhaps do it, as I could perfectly imagine feeling attracted to a 7 as an 8. Just because I‘m a 6 does not mean though I can force myself to find 5s appealing. I wouldn‘t be here if I could.

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Re: Online dating study: trying to date out of your league

Post by Johnson » Fri Nov 16, 2018 9:53 am

Arjen wrote:
Fri Nov 16, 2018 8:29 am
The trick is to find sb who has - consciously or subconsciously - the feeling they are dating up with you and vice versa.
Dating down for the reasons you mention is probably more common than most would admit but not for me. If I were an 8, I‘d perhaps do it, as I could perfectly imagine feeling attracted to a 7 as an 8. Just because I‘m a 6 does not mean though I can force myself to find 5s appealing. I wouldn‘t be here if I could.
I finally remember you from the old forum!

I remember you telling me about this problem and sending the pictures about your options etc. I thought they were all decent looking and you should be happy with them. I recall thinking that your high standards are quite a hinderance but there isnt much you can do about that :(

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Re: Online dating study: trying to date out of your league

Post by Arjen » Fri Nov 16, 2018 10:47 am

Johnson wrote:
Fri Nov 16, 2018 9:53 am
I finally remember you from the old forum!

I remember you telling me about this problem and sending the pictures about your options etc. I thought they were all decent looking and you should be happy with them. I recall thinking that your high standards are quite a hinderance but there isnt much you can do about that :(
Yes, I've sent pics of me and women I find desirable as well as of some who take an interest in me to as many people from whom I would hope for an honest opinion as possible. This is my analytical approach to find if my lack of success with women I find attractive is due to my (too high) standards in relation my own looks. The interesting part of it has been how it reflects how stuck I am in my mindset and taste: when people find women who have shown an interest as attractive or even more attractive than some I find super cute, my mind refuses to truly believe that and I think of them as aberrations, whereas I feel fully confirmed with the (fewer) cases where others share my taste. There is some real self-fulfilling-prophecy-dynamic going on here, I could imagine.

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