Yet another Tinder experiment

Since hair loss and dating are closely intertwined: discuss how to improve your chances with women.
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Hairblues
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Re: Yet another Tinder experiment

Post by Hairblues » 2 months ago

Arjen wrote:
2 months ago
Set my age to 27 (10 years younger than I actually am), only 1 pic, with hat. :problem:
The likes are now of a quality where I‘d without the cheating think: ok, not my dream girls, but, well, fair, finally some who are ~6, why not meet a few of them if they seem somewhat reasonable otherwise. While this to me feels like the (still quite low) level I feel I „deserve“, it surely doesn‘t mean I cn reach it. Not at 37, not with a bald head.
Social circle/work gets my access to attractive women, but it‘s really ridiculous by now to witness how your looks are your (only) cap. While the 6.5 who bought me a beer makes sure I may of course return the favor, but at the next group gathering (which was my envisioned setting anyway...), the 3-4 openly suggests that we don‘t need to wait for such an occasion. This is the latest of so many similar examples that I am resigning. The women I like are not interested, the dating market has decided so, and it really doesn‘t matter whether I find this fair.
The options remaining are:
- Importing a cute woman, from Mexico or so. Providing wouldn‘t necessarily be my main concern, but I like interesting conversations (a reason why good-looking women from work like me, I suppose) and I like things neat and tidy. I‘m weary of mentality conflicts and language barriers.
- Settling for a smart and affluent Swiss woman and dating down in looks. Having the smart & affluent part fulfilled would still leave me in a better place than most average men here. Apart from nationality, I had this set-up before and it made me unhappy.
- Coming to terms with the prospect of leading the life of now but without hoping for and seeking women.
I‘m leaning towards option 3, with not nearly as much bitterness as one might expect.


I either blanked out that you were 37 or didn’t know.
I assumed you were in late 20s from the content of your posts and your expectations of wanting someone ‘cute’. I tend to think of cute women as a 20something look for most.(not all) women.


This gives me on opinion as to why you have this issue with the dating.

I’m curious as a 37 year old, what age have you been considering on your dating app? Can it be the cute girls you’ve been attracted too are considering themselves too young?

Some women don’t care about age difference, but some do. Why/why not I don’t know.

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Re: Yet another Tinder experiment

Post by koolaidshade » 2 months ago

@Arjen reading your posts fill me with woe, since i can very much relate in most ways, but i hope for the best for you. Please do keep us updated on whatever game you plan on running, and if you get any success from them.

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Re: Yet another Tinder experiment

Post by JLBB » 2 months ago

Arjen wrote:
2 months ago
Set my age to 27 (10 years younger than I actually am), only 1 pic, with hat. :problem:
The likes are now of a quality where I‘d without the cheating think: ok, not my dream girls, but, well, fair, finally some who are ~6, why not meet a few of them if they seem somewhat reasonable otherwise. While this to me feels like the (still quite low) level I feel I „deserve“, it surely doesn‘t mean I cn reach it. Not at 37, not with a bald head.
Social circle/work gets my access to attractive women, but it‘s really ridiculous by now to witness how your looks are your (only) cap. While the 6.5 who bought me a beer makes sure I may of course return the favor, but at the next group gathering (which was my envisioned setting anyway...), the 3-4 openly suggests that we don‘t need to wait for such an occasion. This is the latest of so many similar examples that I am resigning. The women I like are not interested, the dating market has decided so, and it really doesn‘t matter whether I find this fair.
The options remaining are:
- Importing a cute woman, from Mexico or so. Providing wouldn‘t necessarily be my main concern, but I like interesting conversations (a reason why good-looking women from work like me, I suppose) and I like things neat and tidy. I‘m weary of mentality conflicts and language barriers.
- Settling for a smart and affluent Swiss woman and dating down in looks. Having the smart & affluent part fulfilled would still leave me in a better place than most average men here. Apart from nationality, I had this set-up before and it made me unhappy.
- Coming to terms with the prospect of leading the life of now but without hoping for and seeking women.
I‘m leaning towards option 3, with not nearly as much bitterness as one might expect.
With a hat on you look early 30s. I think you almost certainly overthink things and should focus on that woman smart and affluent type of woman who you have similar values and interests too, however if you went to Hattingen and did a large scale FUT you would look young enough to date who you want. That and hit the gym even twice a week.

I don't see any reason why you should have to settle for option three when you haven't focused on the key areas of looksmaxing. Doesn't sound like you have any financial issues with the transplant option either.

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Re: Yet another Tinder experiment

Post by Arjen » 2 months ago

It’s true that I could afford one (or two) mega sessions with Hattingen. The problem is rather the fear of an insufficient result (even if it all goes well, that is) or the bothersome recovery period. But much more than that: seeing that my friend with same age and similar looks, but with hair seems to have more options, but they are all below my (and his) desired level. Once you try with that league (and especially in his case, I don’t think they are all above his league, and the ones who are, are maybe 0.5-1 point above him), you seem to hit a wall that – no matter what you do or how you are as a person – can’t overcome.

And it isn’t just him, I just never see couples with the man dating up in terms of looks. It may seem pathetic to tie your own prospects to that of others, but since it matches with my own personal experiences, it’s hard to keep the faith that you are going to be the exception.
So, in short: a close friend with hair and his dating prospects & the general dating environment discourage me immensely.

The essential element at this point is probably the following: despite a lack of success, I’ve for a long time overestimated my SMV. Realizing this is quite unpleasant and makes you wonder where your approximate level is after all. I was recently out with a colleague from his law firm and since the bar was close to his workplace, a lot of people from there passed by or joined. Among them some actual 8s, and even a 9. It made me chuckle inside, because it confirmed to me that the women I’ve met through work and in some cases laid an eye on really are 6-7s, i.e. perfectly fine, but quite far from the top too. When I discuss looks with a female friend, I just get the impression that this middle-ground is nearly as nuanced as it is for men. There really only is good-looking (maybe 5%), average or “wtf, seriously/invisible” for many women. But only in theory. In practice, the upper/almost good-looking class does have an advantage over the rest of the group, so it’s quite safe to say that I’m not part of it – nor is my friend with hair.

While I still think of myself as levelheaded and balanced, what I need to be careful of is not to develop too negative and simplified a view of women. Not for them, not because I think a lightheartedness increases one’s chances with attractive women, but because negativity and frustration lead to a less pleasant life in general.

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Re: Yet another Tinder experiment

Post by Admin » 2 months ago

Arjen wrote:
2 months ago
It’s true that I could afford one (or two) mega sessions with Hattingen. The problem is rather the fear of an insufficient result (even if it all goes well, that is) or the bothersome recovery period. But much more than that: seeing that my friend with same age and similar looks, but with hair seems to have more options, but they are all below my (and his) desired level. Once you try with that league (and especially in his case, I don’t think they are all above his league, and the ones who are, are maybe 0.5-1 point above him), you seem to hit a wall that – no matter what you do or how you are as a person – can’t overcome.

And it isn’t just him, I just never see couples with the man dating up in terms of looks. It may seem pathetic to tie your own prospects to that of others, but since it matches with my own personal experiences, it’s hard to keep the faith that you are going to be the exception.
So, in short: a close friend with hair and his dating prospects & the general dating environment discourage me immensely.

The essential element at this point is probably the following: despite a lack of success, I’ve for a long time overestimated my SMV. Realizing this is quite unpleasant and makes you wonder where your approximate level is after all. I was recently out with a colleague from his law firm and since the bar was close to his workplace, a lot of people from there passed by or joined. Among them some actual 8s, and even a 9. It made me chuckle inside, because it confirmed to me that the women I’ve met through work and in some cases laid an eye on really are 6-7s, i.e. perfectly fine, but quite far from the top too. When I discuss looks with a female friend, I just get the impression that this middle-ground is nearly as nuanced as it is for men. There really only is good-looking (maybe 5%), average or “wtf, seriously/invisible” for many women. But only in theory. In practice, the upper/almost good-looking class does have an advantage over the rest of the group, so it’s quite safe to say that I’m not part of it – nor is my friend with hair.

While I still think of myself as levelheaded and balanced, what I need to be careful of is not to develop too negative and simplified a view of women. Not for them, not because I think a lightheartedness increases one’s chances with attractive women, but because negativity and frustration lead to a less pleasant life in general.
The common thread I see here is a "what's the point?" attitude, mostly because you have this certainty that you know the future or that your current model of reality is like 99% accurate.

Now don't get me wrong, it's useful to have one, as a matter of fact you need one to be able to operate in the world, but at the same time, on one hand, you shouldn't be a slave to it, and on the other hand, remember that the model you have in your head is ultimately not reality, it remains something you've constructed in your mind.

Your value, the value you attribute to women, how you think they think, how you think, none of that is actual reality, it's mostly your ego speaking and dictating what I see as a largely toxic view on the word, women and most importantly yourself.

There's really no need to beat yourself up or to check out of the dating game. And I'm going to reiterate what I've been trying to tell you from the beginning: can't you just shut down that voice in your head, that (overly) analytical mind and go out there as if it was an adventure? This is something I was glad to have retained during my time on the dating scene (despite the inevitable frustrations), seeing every date or social gathering as an opportunity to get to know amazing human beings.

And go from there, quieting that voice telling me, well mostly what you're still telling yourself. Be grateful for the smallest things and things will tend to get better in general, that's my experience anyway. Same with the hair transplants part or @JLBB's advice to go to the gym. You just do it and appreciate the whole process as an adventure, instead calculating trade-offs based on the model of reality you've built in your head.

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