When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Since hair loss and dating are closely intertwined: discuss how to improve your chances with women.
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Arjen
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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by Arjen » 1 week ago

Admin wrote:
1 week ago
There is some truth in what you're saying here, yes, we're all different people and some people out there can obviously deal with hair loss better. Better in the sense that they won't break down mentally, spend a fortune on hair loss treatments or end up being the "winner" with his own hair loss forum.

That said, there is such thing as objective truth out there and even if you overlook the fact that hair loss will almost always make any man look older, sillier and uglier, what it will fundamentally do is change your identity itself, or simply put, turn you into another person.

Another person with their new characteristics and new constraints, usually things you cannot do or rather be seen to do anymore since they won't fit with the social model that will now be expected from that new personality you now have to adopt. As a bald 23 year old, you can't adopt the skater identity anymore, you can't be "the pretty boy womanizer" anymore, hell even your identity as university student will be put into question (it certainly was for me).

You will have to let parts of your old personality die. The most important question here is: are you going to be OK with becoming that whole new person or not? Me? Hell no, I lost my mind over it and I'm not ashamed to admit it, @JeanLucBB took drastic steps to become that legit fullhead guy again, and you too underwent a hair transplant, something that is still quite rare for hair loss sufferers. Some people will just tell themselves that the fact that they turned into another person is not such a big deal, and I respect that. Many times I've told myself that it would have made my life simpler.

But it's not without trade-offs of course, since the downsides of being bald or afflicted by extensive hair loss are real, they have to make sure that they truly believe what they're preaching: that they have indeed accepted this bald (sub)version of themselves. Otherwise they are bound to shake their fist at the sky when for example the girls they are after reject their bald self, projecting their own feelings of acceptance onto others: "Well I don't get it, I still look fine, why don't they think the same?!". Correct me if I'm wrong @Arjen, don't you find yourself going there every now and then?

What I'm saying here is not that complicated to understand and is at the core of our hair loss issue. It obviously goes even beyond looks, attractiveness, age, identity, etc. It's about becoming a different person, or rather doing everything in your power not to become that person. But as I've said, if some people like Arjen or many bald(ing) guys out can live with that without becoming a neurotic mess, more power to them. I just hope that they truly believe what they say.
My problem is that I don't truly believe I'm fine looks-wise, but just having hair wouldn't change that for me. Which is why I suspect I'm more BDD than you or most others.

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by Admin » 1 week ago

Arjen wrote:
1 week ago
My problem is that I don't truly believe I'm fine looks-wise, but just having hair wouldn't change that for me. Which is why I suspect I'm more BDD than you or most others.
It's still a bit confusing for me. You don't believe you're fine looks-wise and you don't believe having hair again would fix that?

If that's what you mean, nothing could ever prove you otherwise but an act of faith: getting the FUE megasessions and see if you finally get those cute girls you dream about :p.

But yeah, we can't know for sure, even though I still believe that getting your (some?) hair back would make a substantial difference for you.
Hair transplants: 2000 graft (May 2014) and 2024 graft (January 2018) FUE's with Dr. De Reys for front and mid-scalp - Last hair transplant: ~1000 grafts on crown area (February 2019)

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Arjen
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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by Arjen » 1 week ago

Admin wrote:
1 week ago
It's still a bit confusing for me. You don't believe you're fine looks-wise and you don't believe having hair again would fix that?

If that's what you mean, nothing could ever prove you otherwise but an act of faith: getting the FUE megasessions and see if you finally get those cute girls you dream about :p.

But yeah, we can know for sure, even though I still believe that getting your (some?) hair back would make a substantial difference for you.
You‘ve stated exactly the reason why I‘m considering doing it, I‘d really be curious to find out, but without realing believing some more hair would significantly improve my chances - it would definitely be interesting and I‘d be much happier about finding out it has really mainly been my baldness that has stood in my way than I’d be about the fact that I have more hair again. :)
I think one of my first threads here was how you‘d rate your looks with hair compared to your current status, and I added 0.5 points, if I remember correctly. Well, it might be 1, so it could be worth the shot.

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by Admin » 1 week ago

Arjen wrote:
1 week ago
You‘ve stated exactly the reason why I‘m considering doing it, I‘d really be curious to find out, but without realing believing some more hair would significantly improve my chances - it would definitely be interesting and I‘d be much happier about finding out it has really mainly been my baldness that has stood in my way than I’d be about the fact that I have more hair again. :)
I think one of my first threads here was how you‘d rate your looks with hair compared to your current status, and I added 0.5 points, if I remember correctly. Well, it might be 1, so it could be worth the shot.
You know it was my main reasoning when I was visiting Cope City right before my first hair transplant: "I don't need it, I still do fine with girls (well, not really), I look fine with a shaved head (I still believe that) and it will just be a bonus for me."

I guess what scared me the most was not doing it, and never finding out what could have been. It still required a lot of courage, and possibly stupidity, since the average guy who wants to go down that road would be told to just shave it off or get a hair piece and move on. Actually, that's what I was told.

But yeah, it's often this fear that drives me to make improbable decision. I had the same thoughts right before I started weightlifting, or more recently buying a 850€ digital piano ensemble. I get this surge of anxiety, seeing myself older, full of regrets and wondering what could have been. The blessing (and curse) of being highly neurotic.

On one hand, I hope you go for it, and on the other hand, I don't want to feel partly responsible if your hair transplants are a failure or you're just not happy with your results.
Hair transplants: 2000 graft (May 2014) and 2024 graft (January 2018) FUE's with Dr. De Reys for front and mid-scalp - Last hair transplant: ~1000 grafts on crown area (February 2019)

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Arjen
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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by Arjen » 1 week ago

Admin wrote:
1 week ago
You know it was my main reasoning when I was visiting Cope City right before my first hair transplant: "I don't need it, I still do fine with girls (well, not really), I look fine with a shaved head (I still believe that) and it will just be a bonus for me."

I guess what scared me the most was not doing it, and never finding out what could have been. It still required a lot of courage, and possibly stupidity, since the average guy who wants to go down that road would be told to just shave it off or get a hair piece and move on. Actually, that's what I was told.

But yeah, it's often this fear that drives me to make improbable decision. I had the same thoughts right before I started weightlifting, or more recently buying a 850€ digital piano ensemble. I get this surge of anxiety, seeing myself older, full of regrets and wondering what could have been. The blessing (and curse) of being highly neurotic.

On one hand, I hope you go for it, and on the other hand, I don't want to feel partly responsible if your hair transplants are a failure or you're just not happy with your results.
I'm going to go to Hattingen in two weeks. And no worries, really, I take full responsibility for my actions (or lack thereof). :)

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by JasonStatham » 6 days ago

Arjen wrote:
1 week ago
I'm going to go to Hattingen in two weeks. And no worries, really, I take full responsibility for my actions (or lack thereof). :)
That is gonna cost a lot. Tell him I send you. 5% what you pay, goes directly to me.

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Arjen
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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by Arjen » 6 days ago

JasonStatham wrote:
6 days ago
That is gonna cost a lot. Tell him I send you. 5% what you pay, goes directly to me.
The costs are the least of my worries. ;)

Sure, I'll give them your name on the form I need to fill in and bring with me.

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by JasonStatham » 6 days ago

Arjen wrote:
6 days ago
The costs are the least of my worries. ;)

Sure, I'll give them your name on the form I need to fill in and bring with me.
What you do if he only will do FUT on you?

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Arjen
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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by Arjen » 6 days ago

JasonStatham wrote:
6 days ago
What you do if he only will do FUT on you?
Given that with a visible scar on my head I'd feel even below average looking, I'll take a pass.

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Re: When the girl seems to change her mind on a whim

Post by EvilLocks » 1 day ago

Admin wrote:
1 week ago
You know it was my main reasoning when I was visiting Cope City right before my first hair transplant: "I don't need it, I still do fine with girls (well, not really), I look fine with a shaved head (I still believe that) and it will just be a bonus for me."

I guess what scared me the most was not doing it, and never finding out what could have been. It still required a lot of courage, and possibly stupidity, since the average guy who wants to go down that road would be told to just shave it off or get a hair piece and move on. Actually, that's what I was told.

But yeah, it's often this fear that drives me to make improbable decision. I had the same thoughts right before I started weightlifting, or more recently buying a 850€ digital piano ensemble. I get this surge of anxiety, seeing myself older, full of regrets and wondering what could have been. The blessing (and curse) of being highly neurotic.

On one hand, I hope you go for it, and on the other hand, I don't want to feel partly responsible if your hair transplants are a failure or you're just not happy with your results.
I agree with this post except the bold part. When it comes to hair pieces, there is no ''moving on''. I am sure you know this and that it was just a bad use of words :)
Hair pieces are a mix of constant upkeep, fear and shame, it is a work in progress, always. You can never just move on with a hair piece, however, you can at least partially move on if you have a decent hair transplant

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