IoHL Community Coffee Shop

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Re: IoHL Community Coffee Shop

Post by koolaidshade » 3 months ago

blackg wrote:
3 months ago
There is more to life than walking around with a hot girl on your arm and this is a very shallow pursuit.

You should do what I'm doing at the moment and sponsor a couple of refugee kids.
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Re: IoHL Community Coffee Shop

Post by Admin » 3 months ago

This needed to be addressed, my various reactions to @blackg's latest avatar:

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Re: IoHL Community Coffee Shop

Post by JasonStatham » 3 months ago



Mhm.

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Re: IoHL Community Coffee Shop

Post by koolaidshade » 3 months ago

man wtf is the point of being a yuppie working a somewhat patrick bateman tier job if u cant even get some non-pornstar girlfriend that looks this good:

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"b-b-but she looks like shit without makeup"
"but shes not that hawt bruh"

enough coping

if i had a girlfriend like that i would take her to Dorsia's every night of the week... well maybe for just at least the first 2 weeks
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Re: IoHL Community Coffee Shop

Post by Arjen » 3 months ago

koolaidshade wrote:
3 months ago
man wtf is the point of being a yuppie working a somewhat patrick bateman tier job if u cant even get some non-pornstar girlfriend that looks this good:
Spoiler
Show
Image
"b-b-but she looks like shit without makeup"
"but shes not that hawt bruh"

enough coping

if i had a girlfriend like that i would take her to Dorsia's every night of the week... well maybe for just at least the first 2 weeks
😂

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Re: IoHL Community Coffee Shop

Post by JasonStatham » 3 months ago

koolaidshade wrote:
3 months ago
man wtf is the point of being a yuppie working a somewhat patrick bateman tier job if u cant even get some non-pornstar girlfriend that looks this good:

NSFW
Spoiler
Show
Image
"b-b-but she looks like shit without makeup"
"but shes not that hawt bruh"

enough coping

if i had a girlfriend like that i would take her to Dorsia's every night of the week... well maybe for just at least the first 2 weeks
It's actually achievable to get a girl like this in Eastern Europe. If you are at least a 6 and not socially retarded and with some luck and "game"....
In the West, you need to be now at least a local celebrity + looks (7+ at least) to get a girl like this above.

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Re: IoHL Community Coffee Shop

Post by Arjen » 3 months ago

So, yesterday I was out with a friend and we bumped into a good female friend of his. A cool, friendly 31-year-old woman with the same profession as me, pretty wealthy family background too (not that it matters to me). Nothing spectacular looks-wise at all, a 5-6, but quite charming and easy going. When I was thinking myself that this is the kind of woman I should be looking for - despite not having instant visual attraction - I learnt that she was getting engaged. Her fiancé is a former model who left (or had to leave) university and is now the manager of the bar we were at.

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Re: IoHL Community Coffee Shop

Post by Arjen » 2 months ago

So, my closest friend is friends with a Chad who has got tired of the former pointing out how much (a man's) looks matter, backing it up with countless anecdotes and articles. So Chad thought it was time for a counter-strike and sent him this article: http://www.bravotv.com/blogs/why-exactl ... ooking-men

What I dislike is that it makes me angry how it’s possible for anybody not to see women are just less honest – and it’s even held in their favor. Why am I triggered, why do I even care, it won’t change a thing anyways.

He also found this article: https://www.complex.com/pop-culture/201 ... -hot-girls

“HUMOR AND WIT IS EVERYTHING
If you’re funny enough, you can probably fuck any chick you want. Chris Farley, Dave Chappelle, Larry David, Kat Williams, they could all pretty much get it without question. There’s just something about a man that can females laugh. All that dopamine our bodies release makes us crave it like a drug. Nothing gets a chick more open or at ease than humor. Not only does it break the ice, but it helps avoid awkward conversation and proves you don’t take yourself too seriously, crucial elements in the process of seduction. You can’t just be on some Dumb & Dumber type humor though. You’ve gotta be able to support it with wittiness and knowledge so we know you’ve got substance, too. That’s the issue with most standard "hot guys" —either their jokes are retarded or they’ve got no smarts to back them up, Zoolander style.”

Lol, yeah, says maybe the average girl (5) who decides to go with her “average guy”, the 7. I want to throw up.

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Re: IoHL Community Coffee Shop

Post by Admin » 2 months ago

Arjen wrote:
2 months ago
“HUMOR AND WIT IS EVERYTHING
If you’re funny enough, you can probably fuck any chick you want. Chris Farley, Dave Chappelle, Larry David, Kat Williams, they could all pretty much get it without question. There’s just something about a man that can females laugh. All that dopamine our bodies release makes us crave it like a drug. Nothing gets a chick more open or at ease than humor. Not only does it break the ice, but it helps avoid awkward conversation and proves you don’t take yourself too seriously, crucial elements in the process of seduction. You can’t just be on some Dumb & Dumber type humor though. You’ve gotta be able to support it with wittiness and knowledge so we know you’ve got substance, too. That’s the issue with most standard "hot guys" —either their jokes are retarded or they’ve got no smarts to back them up, Zoolander style.”
This is a massive cope because we have to boil it down to what matters the most: a girl wants someone who looks good, and who will look good before he has to open his mouth to compensate for his lack of beauty. This is a cope I used to hate to hear when I started balding: "You just need to become that kind of guy that's super extroverted, larger than life, who has the gift of the gab and then you'll see, you'll be fine!"

That comment amped my resentment to 11. Fuck that, I'm not that guy, and if I try to be that guy, people will see right through it. And of course, I had to actually try and see for myself. I felt fake and drained very fast. And most people could tell that something was off. Make no mistake, your personality is as fixed as your looks.

You can only be yourself, you're born with a set of strengths, weaknesses, traits that won't be easily tweakable. The idea that you can just put any program inside yourself so to speak and run with it successfully stems from social constructivism. That's not how it works, just because a personality doesn't seem real doesn't mean it isn't as real as your appearance itself.

Hence the resentment you feel when someone spouts that outdated BS that has been refuted like 40 years ago. "If you would just change who you are, be a better person, you would kill it with the ladies, but you're an idiot who can't even learn to be funnier!" That's not how it works, you're a unique person and your options to make yourself more attractive will be extremely limited.

There's room for improvement of course, but making humor a key variable in sexual attraction is largely misguided. Weightlifting, getting a (fake) tan, hair transplants, plastic surgery (if you have one very unsightly trait), in short physical improvements will make much more of a difference to initially attract a mate, humor only comes into the picture when a girl is looking for a relationship.

Evolutionary psychology has showed us time and time again that women initially consider markers of attraction that cannot be faked, like your height, hair, muscles and face. Sadly enough, humor doesn't make that list. So no, humor and wit are not everything, they're not even taken in consideration in the initial attraction phase.

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Re: IoHL Community Coffee Shop

Post by Arjen » 2 months ago

Admin wrote:
2 months ago
This is a massive cope because we have to boil it down to what matters the most: a girl wants someone who looks good, and who will look good before he has to open his mouth to compensate for his lack of beauty. This is a cope I used to hate to hear when I started balding: "You just need to become that kind of guy that's super extroverted, larger than life, who has the gift of the gab and then you'll see, you'll be fine!"

That comment amped my resentment to 11. Fuck that, I'm not that guy, and if I try to be that guy, people will see right through it. And of course, I had to actually try and see for myself. I felt fake and drained very fast. And most people could tell that something was off. Make no mistake, your personality is as fixed as your looks.

You can only be yourself, you're born with a set of strengths, weaknesses, traits that won't be easily tweakable. The idea that you can just put any program inside yourself so to speak and run with it successfully stems from social constructivism. That's not how it works, just because a personality doesn't seem real doesn't mean it isn't as real as your appearance itself.

Hence the resentment you feel when someone spouts that outdated BS that has been refuted like 40 years ago. "If you would just change who you are, be a better person, you would kill it with the ladies, but you're an idiot who can't even learn to be funnier!" That's not how it works, you're a unique person and your options to make yourself more attractive will be extremely limited.

There's room for improvement of course, but making humor a key variable in sexual attraction is largely misguided. Weightlifting, getting a (fake) tan, hair transplants, plastic surgery (if you have one very unsightly trait), in short physical improvements will make much more of a difference to initially attract a mate, humor only comes into the picture when a girl is looking for a relationship.

Evolutionary psychology has showed us time and time again that women initially consider markers of attraction that cannot be faked, like your height, hair, muscles and face. Sadly enough, humor doesn't make that list. So no, humor and wit are not everything, they're not even taken in consideration in the initial attraction phase.
Well, I fully agree.

Humour etc. matter once the looks-threshold is met, otherwise it's worthless. Mind you, the girl I used to have a crush on and paid for that night sometimes had tears in her eyes from my jokes, she has always LOVED communicating with me and even in bed she had to laugh hard when I said something, remarking: "you're the only one who can make fun of me in a way I find it hilarious". Those comments have a bitter note to me, obviously, given how little all of that helped me...but what bothers me more is that that BS is actively spread by women. Do they really believe it themselves? Is it their cope to hide their shallow- AND selectiveness? Wow, great job, because this is the actual thing that makes me angry the most.

Somewhat ironic: I yesterday spontaneously decided to meet another girl from Tinder. I normally wouldn't have met her, but I'm really trying to be more open, so I gave it a go. She looked very plain to me from the first second, but that wasn't the worst part: she was just as plain when it came to the conversation. She didn't do anything wrong or offensive, but while there was never any silence, it was just very boring to me. Hadn't that been the case, she might have jumped from a plain 5 to a somewhat interesting 5 or 5.5 (or so I'd hope) with nice eyes, but nah, I was just glad to excuse myself after little more than one hour. And now it comes: unlike the girl I had a very interesting 4-hour-phone-conversation with, she didn't block me, no, she wants to see me again. So, yeah, all women want is vibe, wits, humour, I see...

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Re: IoHL Community Coffee Shop

Post by Admin » 2 months ago

Arjen wrote:
2 months ago
Well, I fully agree.

Humour etc. matter once the looks-threshold is met, otherwise it's worthless. Mind you, the girl I used to have a crush on and paid for that night sometimes had tears in her eyes from my jokes, she has always LOVED communicating with me and even in bed she had to laugh hard when I said something, remarking: "you're the only one who can make fun of me in a way I find it hilarious". Those comments have a bitter note to me, obviously, given how little all of that helped me...but what bothers me more is that that BS is actively spread by women. Do they really believe it themselves? Is it their cope to hide their shallow- AND selectiveness? Wow, great job, because this is the actual thing that makes me angry the most.

Somewhat ironic: I yesterday spontaneously decided to meet another girl from Tinder. I normally wouldn't have met her, but I'm really trying to be more open, so I gave it a go. She looked very plain to me from the first second, but that wasn't the worst part: she was just as plain when it came to the conversation. She didn't do anything wrong or offensive, but while there was never any silence, it was just very boring to me. Hadn't that been the case, she might have jumped from a plain 5 to a somewhat interesting 5 or 5.5 (or so I'd hope) with nice eyes, but nah, I was just glad to excuse myself after little more than one hour. And now it comes: unlike the girl I had a very interesting 4-hour-phone-conversation with, she didn't block me, no, she wants to see me again. So, yeah, all women want is vibe, wits, humour, I see...
Here's how I can explain it: girls usually do that for 2 reasons: they're higher in agreeableness and neuroticism on average.

The former causes them to not want to hurt men and the latter not to be hurt by the potential blowback themselves.

Put the two together and it's no wonder the vast majority of women will lie.

My fiancée is deprived of neurotic part for example, so she almost always tells the truth, and gets called shallow because she says height is Im portant for guys for example.

She only puts on the breaks not to hurt others. So, does it take some of your anger away to know that women are paving the way to your personal hell with good intentions :p?

And of course a small part of that behavior can be explained by narcissism: "I'm not like that, I'm a good girl, I'm not shallow, I'm special, etc."

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Re: IoHL Community Coffee Shop

Post by Arjen » 2 months ago

Admin wrote:
2 months ago
Here's how I can explain it: girls usually do that for 2 reasons: they're higher in agreeableness and neuroticism on average.

The former causes them to not want to hurt men and the latter not to be hurt by the potential blowback themselves.

Put the two together and it's no wonder the vast majority of women will lie.

My fiancée is deprived of neurotic part for example, so she almost always tells the truth, and gets called shallow because she says height is Im portant for guys for example.

She only puts on the breaks not to hurt others. So, does it take some of your anger away to know that women are paving the way to your personal hell with good intentions :p?

And of course a small part of that behavior can be explained by narcissism: "I'm not like that, I'm a good girl, I'm not shallow, I'm special, etc."
Assuming those are the (only) reasons: yes, at least somewhat, honestly.

And just like with the blocking: I can't expect all women to know me well enough to realize I'm not the guy to stalk or get angry over rejection as such.
I'm sure many men are different, so fair enough.

A few years back, a woman told me when I made my intentions clear: "It's just a shame *mycrush" can't be like you or you can't look like *mycrush*". Whomever I told that sentence found it offensive and uncivilized, even men, I myself found it at least fair. Funnily enough, it never hurt me nearly as much as treatments where I feel like I need to be spared, protected or something (like just cowardly blocked). And no, I don't expect everyone else to perceive it the same way as I do, so I tread with caution.
However, with mentioned crush I at some point felt the need to put her in a position where I felt she had to be honest. "Look, I'm the first to admit looks matter, our vibe would not lead to further ambitions on my side if I didn't also find you physically attractive. You know me, you know I always want plausible reasons for things and not only can I handle you telling me the truth for bot wanting it to take one step further, I'd also be relieved as it'd help me drop my last shred of hope, so please: you simply don't like me (enough/that much physically, happens all the time"
Crush: "No, that would be a lie. It's your age, my father would be horrified if I brought you home"
Me: "As if he had to learn about us having some fun"
Crush: "But I don't want to risk our friendship for this"
Me, thinking: FUCK OFF -> I'd never have had such expressions on my mind, had she just admitted the obvious. Under the circumstances describe, it would have been expecting too much in my opinion.

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Re: IoHL Community Coffee Shop

Post by Admin » 2 months ago

Arjen wrote:
2 months ago
Assuming those are the (only) reasons: yes, at least somewhat, honestly.

And just like with the blocking: I can't expect all women to know me well enough to realize I'm not the guy to stalk or get angry over rejection as such.
I'm sure many men are different, so fair enough.

A few years back, a woman told me when I made my intentions clear: "It's just a shame *mycrush" can't be like you or you can't look like *mycrush*". Whomever I told that sentence found it offensive and uncivilized, even men, I myself found it at least fair. Funnily enough, it never hurt me nearly as much as treatments where I feel like I need to be spared, protected or something (like just cowardly blocked). And no, I don't expect everyone else to perceive it the same way as I do, so I tread with caution.
However, with mentioned crush I at some point felt the need to put her in a position where I felt she had to be honest. "Look, I'm the first to admit looks matter, our vibe would not lead to further ambitions on my side if I didn't also find you physically attractive. You know me, you know I always want plausible reasons for things and not only can I handle you telling me the truth for bot wanting it to take one step further, I'd also be relieved as it'd help me drop my last shred of hope, so please: you simply don't like me (enough/that much physically, happens all the time"
Crush: "No, that would be a lie. It's your age, my father would be horrified if I brought you home"
Me: "As if he had to learn about us having some fun"
Crush: "But I don't want to risk our friendship for this"
Me, thinking: FUCK OFF -> I'd never have had such expressions on my mind, had she just admitted the obvious. Under the circumstances describe, it would have been expecting too much in my opinion.
Another thing I learned from evolutionary psychology (which is a very scientific discipline) last week is that in a mating context, women are way more likely to play it safe or to disregard a man entirely based on one single feature they perceive as negative. That's because the cost of a failed relationship will be way higher (pregnancy, obviously) for them through an evolutionary lens.

It's sad to say but my fiancée confirmed this. When we met, she thought (I think I've mentioned this before) I was selfish since I didn't share my mayonaise on our first date at the restaurant, and this alone made her question our relationship. And also, I was weird (there's you can put into that :p), but she came to her senses and realized that these were very superficial issues.

It's the opposite for a man of course, we're way more likely to overlook a lot of things because we decide the girl isn't worth it. I'm not trying to excuse their behavior here, that's just biological reality of the situation.

There's a deeper reality to that which I realized a couple of years ago, even as a man: there is no such thing as casual sex.

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Re: IoHL Community Coffee Shop

Post by Arjen » 2 months ago

Admin wrote:
2 months ago
Another thing I learned from evolutionary psychology (which is a very scientific discipline) last week is that in a mating context, women are way more likely to play it safe or to disregard a man entirely based on one single feature they perceive as negative. That's because the cost of a failed relationship will be way higher (pregnancy, obviously) for them through an evolutionary lens.

It's sad to say but my fiancée confirmed this. When we met, she thought (I think I've mentioned this before) I was selfish since I didn't share my mayonaise on our first date at the restaurant, and this alone made her question our relationship. And also, I was weird (there's you can put into that :p), but she came to her senses and realized that these were very superficial issues.

It's the opposite for a man of course, we're way more likely to overlook a lot of things because we decide the girl isn't worth it. I'm not trying to excuse their behavior here, that's just biological reality of the situation.

There's a deeper reality to that which I realized a couple of years ago, even as a man: there is no such thing as casual sex.
And again, I find myself being more similar to women than men.
I used to be even more extreme, a girl making (significant) spelling mistakes lost a lot of appeal to me immediately. Now imagine me meeting your „bold“ Polish girl...:p

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Re: IoHL Community Coffee Shop

Post by Arjen » 2 months ago

Admin wrote:
2 months ago
You can only be yourself, you're born with a set of strengths, weaknesses, traits that won't be easily tweakable. The idea that you can just put any program inside yourself so to speak and run with it successfully stems from social constructivism.
How does this go with your recommendation to "lower your standards"/"go for a looksmatch" - do you really think that is possible?

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