Arjen wrote: ↑
7 months ago
I can totally relate to what you are writing, and I can tell you what my problem is here: I have always been an «either-or-guy». For example: either I am very talented at something and I want to be the or I am not and I won’t put in an effort to become at least decent or even good.
School/uni: my marks after primary school were average combined, but VERY diverse – which was an exception.
Football: I had attributes that led some coaches to seriously tell me they are better than those of some they’d trained and who made the grade. But I’d never work on my robustness, my athleticism, my headers, I was too proud and I was not gifted with it, so I couldn’t be bothered.
It’s the same with my looks, just that here I’m average overall: I could improve something here (hair transplant, “still patchwork”) and there (put on some muscles), but the fact that instead of 1.23 % of women maybe 2,28% would find me dateable leaves me wanting in the motivation-department. I think this is an incel-ish aspect I have: Chad or nothing. It’s stupid, but I have not arrived at genuinely seeing the point in changing it.
You can't be sure of what's going to happen to your life with incremental improvements. You think you do, but trust me, if you did, you'd get off your ass and get that 1% improvement. Take me and my passion for music for example, I'm no virtuoso, I'm your average guitar player and singer who plays some open mic nights because it's fun. But I'm not working hard at it, I'm not playing stuff I don't want to play, I'm not spending all my time getting obsessed with music theory and all that stuff.
Yet the moment I went on that stage, even when I was still genuinely playing like shit because of all the stress and the inexperience, the shift in women's attention was huge, and this was no secret to most people. Yes girls get wet on guys performing in front of a crowd. The second time I went on stage (so as I've said, I was still quite shitty at the time), I get this Mia Khalifa look-alike that hunts me down the subway to talk to me and tell me how great I was and that "she really hopes you'll be there at the next show!".
Now some disclaimers, I was still sporting a shaved head at the time, but I had already developed a relatively muscular body. It might not have had the same effect on her with my skinny former self on stage. So, my point is, you think small improvements don't matter but sometimes you have no idea!
I know exactly what you mean with your excuses, I got that too, but the main way to fix it is just to dive right in and suck for a while. I have the feeling right now because the guitar became unappealing to me lately, and I really, really want to transition to the synthesizer, especially since I'm very much into retro new-wave and video game music, so that's what I want to do now. After playing live a lot, I want to compose music. And even just going to the music store to buy that fucking synthesizer seems like a mountain of effort. And I'm thinking "I'll suck, I'll get mad at that fucking Fruityloops program, I'll spend whole afternoons just to put a 10 second loop together!"
Now I'm not even doing this to get women, I have my girlfriend, I'm good, I'll do it because I really want to do it. And yes it most likely going to be average at best and I'll never even come close to the composers I admire, but that doesn't mean I should give it a try and have some fun. This all or nothing mentality is just not good, it will stop you from doing a lot of things that are actually more within your reach than you think. Just remember that the fool is always the precursor to the hero, you have to go through this frustrating phase where you suck big time before you'll slowly make improvements that are measurable and worthwhile.
I'll go back to my blue-piled self for a second but women really like it when a guy is passionate about what he does, it doesn't matter what it is. My girlfriend finds it funny and endearing that I care about issues the current state of free speech in the West or the political climate, she doesn't care much about those things, but she says that when I speak about them and defend my vision, she can see that I'm passionate. That's what works for me, I organize my life around things I truly enjoy even if I know I'll mostly suck at it and never become exceptional at it. The thing is, that's infinitely better than not doing it at all.